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Tenses Jokes

I used to have a problem with grammatical tenses.

But not yet.

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses.

Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?


Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

The guy who de-tenses my muscles hates women

He's a real massage-inist

Teacher: "Class, I am going to test you on tenses today." She point to John and says "John, if I say 'I am beautiful', what tense is it?"

John stands up, gives the teacher a perplexed look and after thinking nice and hard says "Well, it obviously is past tense."

An orchestra is performing Chopin

Halfway through the performance a cellist bursts into the concert hall, late and drunk as a skunk. He then pushes his way to his seat and starts awkwardly sawing away at his cello as if nothing was awry.

The conductor was furious! He snapped his baton and dove at the cellist, choking him to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane

She sneezes, and kind of tenses up. The man looks over, then looks away. The woman sneezes again, and tenses up kinda shaking. He looks over, watches her. She sneezes about 4 more times. Now she is violently shaking he asks, “are you okay?” A bit worried, she reply’s, “yes! I have this disease where...

An unhappy couple are driving on a snowy night when they get into an accident.

Both of them are hospitalized soon but the wife doesn't survive. The husband is unconscious for quite some time after the accident.

When he wakes up, the doctor gently tells him the truth.

He says, "Sir, we have a bad news."

The man tenses up. He replies, "What? Is it my wife? W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Colonel Isaev, a veteran of the Great Patriotic War, is invited to a school in Leningrad

He is telling the children about his days as a soldier in the Red Army and his war exploits. When he finishes, he asks the children if they have any questions.

Vovochka raises his hand, and the teacher tenses up.

"When I grow up, I want to be an intelligence officer and protect my Glor...

[OC] A man was getting a massage.

The masseuse asks him, “Are you tight in your neck?” 

He replies, “No I will not be.”

“How about your back?”

“No I wasn’t.”

“Your legs?”

“No I have.”

“Your feet?”

“No I will.”

The masseuse gives the man his massage, and find that he is tight in...

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