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Tenants Jokes

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.

Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.

Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.

Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then...

Don’t be afraid of tenants.

They’re just ten ants.

The tenants said the house was haunted.

You’d think I would’ve noticed after 200 years.

I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me there landlord and that kinda makes them my

Tenants

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment

Tenants

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People don't realize Edgar Allan Poe was a landlord.

His tenants were always complaining about the lease terms being terrible, leading them to being the first to coin the phrase: "fuck the Poe lease!"

How are nine ants able to live in an apartment for free?

By not being tenants.

Idk if this is a repost but here goes

A psychiatrist is talking to one of his most difficult patients. "Let's go back to what you said last time, about how all of your troubles began, what was it, a year ago?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Well, as I said, I had gotten into the Airbnb scene at the time, and I had a couple of, "tenants", as i...

I always recommend that couples rent their Chinese noodles.

People like you more when you're lo-mein tenants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ant

1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants
2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important
3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant
4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant
5. A spy ant = Informant
6. A very little ant = Infant
7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant
8. ...

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

Did you ever hear of the landlord who played favorites?

He only did maintenance for his main tenants.

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door.

“There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without ...

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

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