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Speedometer Jokes

A guy is pulled over for speeding...

COP: Do you know how fast you were going?

DRIVER: Well, let's see. My speedometer is 20 miles per hour off, so 55?

COP: You were doing 75.

DRIVER: It's fixed!

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

The Smoking Motorbike Rider

I was driving on the motorway one day when a man on a motorcycle drew up alongside me. He gestured for me to wind my window down.

I looked at the speedometer and I was doing 100mph!

I wound the window down and the rider held out a cigarette saying "Can you give me a light?"

Amaz...

Heisenberg is driving to a convention to show off his new Uncertainty Principle

On the way he observes the speedometer, and finds himself lost.

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need some advice.

I have a 4" body lift on my truck. Two days ago, my truck started to shake after the speedometer hit 70mph. I think it's the suspension or the tires may be unbalanced and since the girls are no longer paying attention, does anyone know of any good free porn sites?

A man is driving down a country road

He glances out the window and sees a chicken running along side the car. He does a double take, and notices that not only is the chicken running right along his car, the chicken also has three legs!


Shocked, he looks at his speedometer and sees he's going 35 miles an hour.


He ...

"Speeding"

Tom is cruising down the highway way over the speed limit. Cop pulls him over.
"Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home."
"What?! You're intoxicated?"
"Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though,...

Cop: know how fast u were going;

Me: obviously. I have a speedometer.
Cop: i know that
Me: then why did u ask
Cop: [looking down moving toe around the dirt] I just wanted to talk

A German police car is stopping a slow driving car on the Autobahn.

The police officer gets out and asks the motorist why he is driving that slow.

"Well, I drive the speed as of the Autobahn's designation number.", replies the motorist.

P: "So, on the A25 you're doing..."

M: "25, yes. My speedometer gives out the exact number, so I try to maint...

Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car...

It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A blonde has been out for cocktails with her friends. She drives off and is speeding down the Interstate, when she hears the wail of a siren & then sees the blue & red lights in her mirror. The police wave her down. So she takes the exit, parks and the police car pull up behind.

The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this"
He walks up to her car and indicates for her to wind down her window. She does so.

Cop: "Ma'am, any idea what speed you were doing?"

Blonde: "How would I know that?"
Cop: "The speedometer Ma'am.
Blonde: "Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ferrari and the Moped

A man saves up his entire life to buy a ferrari. He goes to the dealership and chooses a red one. As he pulls out of the parking lot he comes to a red light. As he is waiting for the light to change he sees a fat kid pull up next to him on a moped. The kid grins at him showing his puffy cheeks and s...

A man, driving his mother in law in the back is stopped for speeding

“did you know you were above the speed limit?” - the officer asks

“I’m so sorry, my speedometer is broken” - replies the man

“None sense” - says the mother in law - “I’ve been telling you for at least half an hour that you were driving too fast”

The officer continues- “also, are...

Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!!!!!!!

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.

The passenger screamed "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver speed up, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three legged chicken

A real estate agent from the city is driving down a county road looking for the place he is to meet a new client. He looks out the window and sees a three legged chicken running beside him in the ditch.
He is amazed that as he looked at the speedometer in his car and he's doing 40 mph, all the w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) A guy driving a brand new convertible Corvette stops at a gas station to fill up on his inaugural drive

(This is my dad's favorite joke)


He gets out of the car, throws a hundred at the attendant to fill it and tells him to make sure not to scratch it, then goes inside to buy some snacks. While he's inside, an old hillbilly wearing an old tatter shirt with suspenders putters up to the gas st...

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