UPJOKE

High Pitched Jokes

Why can't our ears hear very high pitched sounds?

Because it hertz.

A guy walks into a bar .........

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there mulling over his day he hears a high pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The guy looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking no more of it. The voice, however, returns sayin...

Did you know that a fungus is responsible for rodents' high pitched noises ?

It's called mice-helium.

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

‘Your Macbooks aren’t breaking are they?’ mused the slightly concerned customer.


The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a Dell.’

I keep hearing high pitched Christmas songs in my ear.

My Doctor thinks it might be tinseltus.

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high pitched screeching

\- At what stage of sex do you make your wife scream ?

\- Right after the sex , i wipe my dick with the curtains .

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

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A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

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Three World Leaders in a Sauna

(Then) President Barack Obama, Russian "President" Vladimir Putin, and (Former) Mexican President Felipe Calderon are all sitting naked in a Sauna. Their reason? Discussion for the next plan regarding world peace.

Somewhere along the line, a very low, barely present vibration is felt all arou...

Well endowed navy crew member- nsfw

There once was a man who was in the navy who was very well endowed, but for some reason had a really high pitched voice. One that had the whole crew laughing and making jokes about him. So one day he went to see the doctor. The doctor said his high pitched voice was due to him having such a big memb...

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A young man, walks into a bar and has a seat.

From the back of the bar he hears the most annoying, high pitched, women's voice say, " we have a customer asshole, get your ugly ass out there and wait on him."

An old, broken down man, emerges for the back and still he hears,"why did I marry your stupid ass, I could of done better, I could...

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A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to his doctor and says "*Doc, I've always had this really high pitched voice, I don't know why, but I think it's the reason I'm not taken seriously at work, can you help me*"
The doctor tells him he can help if he can determine the cause, and he'll have to give him a physical. ...

A Blonde, a Redhead, and a Brunette are running from some guards in a medieval castle c.1320.

They stumble into a storage room on the far side of the keep that is piled high with boxes, barrels and sacks. The Redhead hurriedly empties a bunch of potatoes out of one of the burlaps and climbs inside. The Brunette and the Blonde quickly follow suit.
The guards are about to rush past the sto...

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only ...

So my German neighbour got a Samoyed...

...and she asked me for suggestions about what she should name him. I suggested her the name "Cloud".

Now everytime that dog does something ridiculous I hear a high pitched yell : "Cloud Nein!!"

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Cat Food

A man walks into a supermarket to buy some cat food. He goes into the checkout counter with his can of Fancy Feast in hand.


To his surprise the clerk asks him, "Do you own a cat?" He replies "Of course I do." The clerk responds "Well I'm sorry, if I can't see or touch the cat I can't se...

The mail gets delivered and...

The mail gets delivered and this busy Mom sees that she has been given mail for her neighbor. She scoops up her baby and goes out to deliver it to the correct house. She walks a couple houses down and pops the mail into the mailbox. Almost immediately her baby starts making a sound like a tuning for...

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The Ferrari and the Moped

A man saves up his entire life to buy a ferrari. He goes to the dealership and chooses a red one. As he pulls out of the parking lot he comes to a red light. As he is waiting for the light to change he sees a fat kid pull up next to him on a moped. The kid grins at him showing his puffy cheeks and s...

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

A big muscular man walks in a bar...

and says to the bartender, "let me have a beer" in a squeaky girly voice.

The entire bar roars in laughter and embarrassed man leaves.

He returns the next day, orders a beer again in a high pitched voice and everyone starts laughing. He asks the bartender why everyone's laughing.
...

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A rabbit needs to shit in the woods...

... but the animals have agreed in the sake of understandable issues not to crap all over the place where they live. And let me tell you they also appointed the local police-bear to watch out for any rule-breakers.

Still, the rabbit is feeling a very hard urge to let go a few of his brown dr...

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The priest and the parrot

A priest moved to a new, remote parish and was feeling lonely. To keep him company, he went to the pet store to buy a parrot. Unfortunately, parrots are quite expensive, and he couldn't afford one.

Feeling sorry for him, the store owner told him, "Well, I do have this one parrot, but it was o...

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The Magic Lamp

A man walks into a bar looking rather down on his luck. The Bartender asks what's wrong, and the man produces a foot tall gent wearing a tuxedo from his jacket pocket. Before the Bartender can ask, the man proceeds to open his suitcase, and plonks a tiny piano in front of the little man.

The ...

The captured explorer...

There was once an intrepid explorer called Eric, he was wandering in a hitherto unknown part of Africa. One day in the jungle, his guides are ambushed and killed with poison darts. Eric is the only one taken alive and he is bound and gagged. They drag him back to their village and present him to the...

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Mr Mouse is walking through the forest

... when suddenly he hears a loud "HELP! HELP!". He looks around, and there is Mr Elephant, up to his armpits in mud. "What's wrong, Mr Elephant?" says Mr Mouse. "I was walking through the forest, and I got stuck in the mud, and now I can't get out." "Don't worry. I'll be right back" says Mr Mouse. ...

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An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

A bar owner and his dog

There was a bar owner that recently adopted a pet Labrador. The dog instantly became a good friend to the pub regulars and was not long officially made the pub mascot. The mutt became a part of the pub, and everyone who went there was greeted by the licks and unconditional love of the creature.
...

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