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Second Place Jokes

What do you call a boat that comes in second place?

The Rudder-Up

I don't understand how one can come in second place in biathlon...

...when you got a rifle with you.

I got second place in a star gazing competition once.

The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.

2021 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in the world

2022 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Ukraine
2023 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Russia

It looks like the Russian Military is aiming for a record-breaking streak as the world's best 'second place'!

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

In first place, this joke needs a cup to work

In second place, France

What does a priest and a second place runner have in common? (NSFW)

They both came in a little behind.

This Lady had a show dog,

It was a purebred Schnauzer from a champion blood line. All of her time and money went into taking care of this dog. The only problem, she always gets second place. Every dog show, second place.
Well, she’s at the Westminster dog show, the biggest in the world and again, she gets second place!...

A rope walks into a bar

He walks up and takes a seat at the bar stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender tells him, "Sorry we don't serve ropes around here". So the rope leaves and tries a second place. He takes a seat and once again is told that the place doesn't serve ropes. Frustrated the rope cuts himsel...

Lumberjack contest

A man entered a contest to see who could chop down a tree the quickest. With a clear lead, the man started swinging his axe faster and faster out of excitement. With the tree ready to fall, he took a misguided swing and chopped off both of his feet. He stayed in the competition, but came in second p...

I just realised something really coincidental.

Units of time can correlate to words of inferiority. For example,

* second = second (second place)
* week = weak
* fortnight = Fortnite

There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you

Second place is just a constellation prize

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered into a sex competition

I didn’t win anything, but I came in second place.

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As you grow up, your top proud moment in life is when you can ride your bike without holding onto any handlebars. Your next proudest moment is when...

you can stick your dick in without using any hands. It gets second place because you can't shout out, "Look ma, no hands!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor, a psychologist, and a mathematician go to a horse race.

They all make their bets and plan to meet at their favorite watering hole after the race to compare their results. The doctor arrives last, orders a round for the group saying:

"I sure cleaned up! Lake Cookie was pegged for second place so I snuck into his stable just before the race and juic...

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man's best friend...

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep.

Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual....

I came in #1 at a hackathon.

Guess second place ain't too bad.

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