I don't understand how one can come in second place in biathlon...

...when you got a rifle with you.

What do you call a boat that comes in second place?

The Rudder-Up

What did Michael Jackson have in common with the second place finisher at the Daytona 500?

They both came in a little behind.

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.

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How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of ...

Lumberjack contest

A man entered a contest to see who could chop down a tree the quickest. With a clear lead, the man started swinging his axe faster and faster out of excitement. With the tree ready to fall, he took a misguided swing and chopped off both of his feet. He stayed in the competition, but came in second p...

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...

There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you

Second place is just a constellation prize

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I entered into a sex competition

I didn’t win anything, but I came in second place.

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As you grow up, your top proud moment in life is when you can ride your bike without holding onto any handlebars. Your next proudest moment is when...

you can stick your dick in without using any hands. It gets second place because you can't shout out, "Look ma, no hands!"

I just realised something really coincidental.

Units of time can correlate to words of inferiority. For example,

* second = second (second place)
* week = weak
* fortnight = Fortnite

Dirty Limerick Competition

Every year in this small village there used to be a dirty limerick competition and the same guy used to win competition every year. Last year he sent in his most disgusting flithy limerick ever and was stunned to find out he'd only come second. As the limericks were never published, the editor could...

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

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TIL that Smartphones are now the #1 ranked hand held device.

That means Penis has slipped to second place.

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I think we all know King Arthurs knights

But, there were also others, who choose to stay in the background, but played a huge part.

First, and formost, the guy who made the round table. Sir Confarence

On second place, there was a knight, who sadly lost his life before he was publicly dubbed, saving king Arthur in a surprise r...

I’m #2!!!

Just came in second place for our annual Thanksgiving joke contest. (The judges are 8, 11 and 12).

Here it is:


Why didn’t the gingerbread man show up for work??

He was feeling CRUMBY!!!!

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The terrible 2nd place prize

A girl enters a game show that allows her to win a trip to space and visit the cosmos at the furthest regions of our solar system. The girl must compete in games related to space and physics to determine if she’s got what it takes to go.

After hours of grueling physical and emotional trauma t...

I came in #1 at a hackathon.

Guess second place ain't too bad.

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An elderly couple had been struggling to find a way for the Mr. to stop snoring. The Mrs. had tried everything.

Nasal strips, mouth guards, etc. Nothing ever worked and her sleep depravation had made her desperate. One day in conversation with a friend, the Mrs. mentioned her husbands snoring problem. Her friend responded that the same thing had happened to her husband and the Mrs should do the same thing. Sh...

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A German, Dutchman and Englishman have an argument over who's the manliest of all of them.

The Dutchman comes up with a contest. They have to complete 3 tasks, the person completing these tasks in the shortest amount of time, is the manliest of the trio. The 3 tasks are as follows:

-Climb up a coconut tree, grab a coconut, crack it, empty the coconut of it's milk.

-Kill a li...

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Obama, Putin and Milo Djukanovic are on a plane...

Obama, Putin and Milo Djukanovic are on a plane. An emergeny occurs and the plane is gonna crash but they only have 2 parachutes.

Obama: "We will do it democratically and gonna vote who gets a parachute. Everyone will get one vote and cannot vote himself."

After voting Djukanovic has t...

The neighbors (I've only heard it told in Russian but don't know if it's originally Russian)

Yuriy is walking along the sidewalk one day when he notices posters advertising a competition for the whole town. The contestants have to swim across a river which no one has ever crossed before due to extreme rapids and plant the town's coat of arms in order to impress incoming administrative offi...

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Blind, Deaf, Dumb...

The Pope was dying and his followers were given to believe that his life would be saved if he slept with a woman.

That's impossible,' said the Pope. 'I am the Holy Father and cannot contravene God's law.'

They spent a long time trying to persuade him. 'It is in order to save your life,...

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