I've scoured the celestial bodies for humor.

The real joke's always in the comets.

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

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German Naval Captain got transferred to a U-Boat

His crew (all English defectors), did not like his German methods of leadership. After a few days of laying down new rules, enforcing them strictly, and allowing the crewmen barely a minute off, he saw several derogatory posters about him taped around the craft. Calling for his first officer, he sai...

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

The mad old King

Once upon a time there was a King who was quite mad, through and through.
So mad in fact, that he would kill every daughter his wife bore as he only wanted sons.
He lived in a huge castle right next to the sea.

The kingdom that this King ruled over stretched far and wide. All the good...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

I entered a pun competition

Being a competitive sort, I scoured my brains for my very best puns, sorting them and analysing them by punningness, and finally submitting my very best top ten puns. I was sure I would win, or at least one would make the medals table.

But unfortunately no pun in ten did.

My great uncle liked his little games.

For years it seemed like he had just disappeared without a trace. The entire family scoured the U.S. to track him down.

But I finally found his will. Pretty disappointing, actually. It was a dead giveaway.

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted, “is that you?”

“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”

“We're from the Red Cross.” ...

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One day a Redditor decided to turn his life around...

The Redditor decided to buy a cookbook that came with the ingredients for a cake. He preheated the oven. He added in the butter and sugar; things were going well. The Redditor read out the instructions: ‘Add vanilla and eggs’. He added in the vanilla and cracked open an egg... nothing came out. He g...

Help me r/jokes you're my only hope.

I have scoured the world looking for "white" jokes and all I have found is this. " Q:what's long white and hard?" "A: Nothing." there has to be more.

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