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Saints Jokes

Every night, my whole life, I'd prayed to the saints to keep my family and home safe.

Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was shook. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don't want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can't help feeling it must have been San Andreas' fault.

An old Saint's joke

A Cajun died and went to hell.
The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later, surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as swea...

If saints go to heaven and sinners go to hell, where do suicide bombers go?

Everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"


"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right...

Rocco - Boondock Saints

Theres a mexican, a black guy and a white guy..
a geenie agrees to grant them each one wish..
the mexican asks for all of his people to be happy and in mexico.
so POOF.. the wish is granted.
the black guy asks for all of his people to be happy and back in africa.
POOF.. the wish is g...

What did Doug Pederson tell the Eagles about the tough matchup with the Saints?

Don’t expect tomorrow to be a breeze.

What church do firefighters go to?

The Church of Ladder Day Saints

A man dies and goes to heaven but he sees there are a lot of clocks displayed at the Pearly Gates.

The man is stricken with curiosity and asks Saint Peter.

"Hey, what are those clocks for?" he asks.

"Oh, those are the clocks of lies," Saint Peter replies. "Every time one tells a lie, their clock moves one minute from 12 o'clock. Look, there's Honest Abe's," points Saint Peter at a c...

What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints?

an oxy-mormon.

or, all of them.

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