Whenever I make Eggs Benedict, I always serve it on a hubcap.

Cause there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

I wasn't going to visit my family this Easter, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts....

My dad only eats Eggs Benedict at Christmas, and only when we visit Grandma and Grandpa.

He says there's no place like home for the hollandaise.

Whenever I eat eggs benedict it reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands...

Those were my Holland days...

What did the Eggs Benedict say during the Covid 19 pandemic?

We’re Hollandaise together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Benedict Cumberbatch says he suffered from crippling constipation as a kid.

No shit Sherlock

Just realized I really like Eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes..

There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common...

Both of their last names are strange

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

A man walks into a diner, and orders eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce, served on a hubcap.

The waiter, perplexed, asks him why. He responds:

“There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise...”

Benedict Cumberbatch: Pengwengs

Penguins: Benadad Cucumberpants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Eggs Benedict and blowjobs both have in common?

Two things you never get at home.

I wish Benedict Cumberbatch played Q in 007

Then I could call him Benedict "Q" Cumberbatch.

Why is a plate of Eggs Benedict the perfect breakfast?

Because it is beyond repoach

What do you call Pope Benedict after his final day in the papal office?

Ex-Benedict.

Where does Benedict Arnold get his groceries?

Traitor Joe's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always love good breakfast food after trying to get pregnant.

Eggs Benedict to remind myself my eggs been dicked.

I’ll see myself out.

Now that Benedict XVI is out of work...

...like all good celebs, he's releasing a fragrance. Expect to see Popepourri on the shelves this summer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the sperm bank today

I have a fetish for any sperm donated by a man called Ben, so I set off to find some.

The only sample I could find that matched my needs cost an extortionate 1 grand.

I guess that's just the price for Benedict's Cum Per Batch

A monk at a Benedictine monastery lived there for many years,

became well known for his immense learning, and eventually rose to the position of abbot, where he gained access to the monastery’s full archives. He decided to open the archives and begin translating and cataloging it.

So he holed up in the vast library, carefully going through its many rare...

No place like home...

Tom had lived in New York City for 30 years now. As he looked out the window of his office suite, he realized it was Christmas Eve.

He had been so absorbed with the company business and without a family of his own, had really not been paying attention to the holidays. As he stared at t...

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?

Benedict Arnold Palmer

A boy was driving home to Minnesota from his first semester of college...

...in California for winter break. He had the car packed and he left after his last final. He wanted to make good time so he drove all night, but as the sun came up his stomach started to rumble...it was time for breakfast!

He pulled into a mom and pop diner and it looked exactly like you'd e...

A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time.

After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives, it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter,"Whats with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

A long-range trucker was returning home for the holidays

He was looking forward to seeing his family. However, the snows of December were coming in, and eventually it was a full blizzard. He decided to pull over and stay overnight in a little town. The next morning, he went to a diner to get breakfast. He saw eggs benidict on the menu. The waiter said it ...

You don't have to be good at anagrams

to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

Time to pun-ish you all!

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender looked at it and said, "Hey! No ropes in here!" So the rope walked out. Once outside, it twisted upon itself a number of times, then rubbed it's short free end until it was just a bunch of fibers without any organization. Upon completion of this, the rope walk...

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