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Rus Jokes

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Mr. Smith died (Rus. Trans.)

A doctor comes to work one day, and sees one of the nurses crying.
"Why are you crying, Mary?" he asks her.
"Don't you know doctor? Mr. Smith died."
The doctor doesn't know who Mr. Smith is, so he asks the nurse but she just goes on crying.
The doctor, mystified, goes to his office, and ...

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In the 'Nam. (Rus. Trans.)

The Vietnam war. A russian general is selling a vietnamese general some warplanes. "See here,"- says the russian general:" Push this blue button if you are losing a battle. Push this green button if you are really losing a battle. Push this red button only when you are really REALLY losing a battle....

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Two guys in hell (Rus. Trans.)

Two guys - a russian and an american die and are sentensed to go to hell. In hell they are met by a demon who asks them if they whant to go to Russian Hell or to American Hell. The american says:"Ive been american all my life, I will go to American Hell." The russian says:"Ive been russian all my li...

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Old man in prison (Rus. Trans.)

An old man is shoved into a prison cell. He is at once cornerd by the other guys in the cell. "What are you here for, old man?"- asks one of the inmates. "Well, I am a joker you know"- says the old man. "Okay, what kind of joke?." "Watch,"- says the old man and goes to the toilet wich is in one of t...

No offence, its about a RUSSIAN policeman (Rus. Trans.)

A policeman comes home from work early and finds his wife naked and a pair of boots his never seen before at the door. He starts running around the house. He opens the bathroom door, looks inside and says:"No one here, so where is he?". He goes to the kitchen. Checks under the table. Says: "No one h...

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal?

The wall-rus.

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I took a dump and then sprayed lemon-scented air freshener after

Now it smells like shit-rus

Dinosaur joke

What do you call a dinosaur who can control thunder?


Brachio-thor-rus


Sorry I thought of this and had to share, to find out if I had read it here or if it's the rarity of an original-ish joke

What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show?

Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, “Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?”

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