What do you call a potato on a turntable?

A rotato.

I want everyone to know that I got a needle for my turntable.

I just want to put it on the record.

The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees an old vinyl record in the window of an antique shop, "Wasp noises from around the world".

Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it. "Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto an ancient turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused.

"I don't recognise any of these noises, and ...

I had a turntable fall on my head a couple years ago.

But I'm perfectly fine, perfectly fine, perfectly fine.

Apparently the world's fastest vinyl turntable has been built.

It's a record breaker

What do you call a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables?

Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He li...

My son refused to join the family DJ business. But then returned 6 months later, begging for a job.

Oh, how the turntables.

Whenever my mate Dave starts stuttering, I always try and lighten the mood.

By pretending to scratch invisible turntables.

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