Restraining Jokes - 38 Hilarious Restraining Jokes

I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders.

But this is as close as I’m allowed to get.

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What do you call a spouse’s family member with a restraining order?

An outlawed in-law.

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I’ve been called a pervert. I’ve been banned from the mall. I’ve even gotten a few restraining orders, but I won’t let that stop me.

Come hell or high water, I’m gonna figure out Victoria’s Secret.

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Why did the mommy ghost get a restraining order against daddy ghost?

Daddy ghost is a-boo-sive

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Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend and I don’t speak the same language

I say we have a “long distance relationship.”

She says I have a “restraining order.”

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My wife got a restraining order against me.

I love it when she plays hard to get.

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I had to take out a restraining order against my molar...

...it was abscessed with me.

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They say that breaking up is hard to do – but it's much easier

with a restraining order and a Rottweiler.

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My girlfriend gave me a Valentine's Day card

Silly girl disguised it as a restraining order

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If you keep following your dreams...

They’re going to file a restraining order.

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It sucks having to stay away from my girlfriend.

Not because of social distancing, she has a restraining order on me.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A goth, a weeb and a brony walks into a bar

Bartender said well well well! We don't see you people often in here. So how about this, I'ma make you an offer. Each one of you say the most embarrassing thing you have done, and the person with the most cringe-worthy story gets a drink for free.

The Goth said, well I cut my ex's name in my ...

All the girls in my town have a fetish for feet.

Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.

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I have the eye of a tiger, and the heart of a lion.

I also have a permanent ban from the zoo, and a few restraining orders

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My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic.

She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.

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During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

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Why cant the uncle touch his knees anymore?

His father filed a restraining order after what he did to his nephew.

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I like the romantic moment in a relationship.

It happens somewhere between that first kiss and the restraining order.

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No Sir, I cannot "go to Hell"...

Satan still has a restraining order on me...

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You tell people God is looking over them they get happy

But when I do the same I get a restraining order? Pff

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I’ve hit rock bottom...

...and got a restraining order from Dwayne Johnson because of it.

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‪I was passionately following my dreams.‬

They felt threatened, and filed for a restraining order. ‬

‪Now I’m not allowed anywhere within 200mtr of their presence. ‬

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A woman confronts her stalker.

The woman says, "I'm getting a restraining order so you'll legally have to stop following me!"
The man, outraged, yelled, "You can't do that! I haven't done anything wrong!"
"Watch me!", said the woman.
"Well, which is it?", replied the stalker.

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The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.

At least, that's what the restraining order says.

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court

if you ever go to court, file a restraining order on every judge and then you can’t go.

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Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting...

...or has multiple restraining orders against me?

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What do you call the marriage license for a couple whose main kink is bondage?

A restraining order!

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What's the biggest sign she's just not into you?

a restraining order.

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Girls talking about how they want to be treated like goddesses...

But you sacrifice a couple bulls and all of a sudden you got restraining orders against you.

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A guy goes to heaven ...

and he meets God. God says "You were a good person, come with me" God takes him to what looks like a festival. As they get closer, he hears gunshots. He turns and aske God what this is. He replies "Well, since you were a good person, and did not sin once in your life, you get to commit one sin, f...

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I always go the extra mile for my wife

Ever since she took out that restraining order

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Everyone always told me to chase my dreams

Now Emma Watson has a restraining order against me.

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I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

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I just got Natalie Portman's autograph!

Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still...

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Two magic beans...

Two magic beans are in a court house. One of them wants a restraining order against the other.

The reason?

He's bean stalking her

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when she gives me her autograph

I love it when she signs the restraining order without dotting the i with a heart, playing hard to get I see!

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Beautiful Girl

I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.

Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.

Made this one up myself thanks for reading.

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A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

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