Her: If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.

Me: If you were a vegetable, I'd pull the plug.

What do you call someone that hinders progress and democracy with conspiracy theories?

A Q>!cumber!<

You might need a dictionary for this one. Unless you think the clintons invented dictionaries

What do chefs use to play pool?

Cue-cumbers

I always walk a lot slower during No Nut November...

I guess I'm over enCUMbered

My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"?

Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this lady, shopping in a grocery store.

She walks over to the produce section and picks out a nice sized cumber, some large carrots, and a decently sized eggplant. As she continues shopping, she picks up a Barry Manilow cd from the $5 discount bin and a few pumpkin spice scented candles. As she heads to the register she grabs her last ite...

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory

And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.

"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s long, hard and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Overcoming your fears.. as told by tom hanks ..

Three men found that they could no longer sleep because of their deep-seeded fears. Their lives were in the state of stasis because of their constant worries. So they set out on a pilgrimage to find a wise man who lived high in the mountains, so high up above the tree line, that no vegetation grew, ...

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