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Repelled Jokes

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are still repelled by her

My cave exploring guide asked me if I'd ever repelled before.

I told him that I've been repelling people for years.

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and ...

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

He said : When I saw your backside I was repelled....However, after seeing you from the front, I now find you very attractive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon the time in a kingdom

Once upon the time in a kingdom far far away, lived a king and his beautiful but unfaithful hot queen.
For unknown reason, the barbarian invaded. Before the king rush to the border with the army, he puts a specially designed chastity belt on his wife and took the key with him.
This chastity be...

Why do demons avoid nuns’ clothing?

They’re repelled by force of habit.

A woman sat on the roof of her house as the flood waters rose around her.

A man in a small motor boat pulled up and said, "Come on! We've got to go!" She replied, "No thank you. I'm waiting on the Lord to save me."

Not long after that, a helicopter hovered overhead and a rescue worker repelled down to try and save her. She said, "No thank you. I'm waiting on the L...

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!

"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.

"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea
chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
...

A Nun Pun [x-post from /r/Catholicism]

Fifth grade teacher Sister Agnes was leading her parochial school class in an arts and crafts activity; tie-dying t-shirts. A couple of unruly students were getting a bit reckless with their bottles of dye when they accidentally spilled several ounces of pink pigment down the back of Sister Agnes....

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

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