Reeves Jokes - 31 Hilarious Reeves Jokes

Keanu Reeves was offered the lead role in Wild Wild West, but turned it down to do The Matrix.

He really dodged a bullet there.

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What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keanu Reeves jokes

I feel like we should start making 'Keanu Reeves' jokes like 'Chuck Noris' jokes!
Keanu Reeves can gargle peanutbutter.
Some kids wear Superman PJs, Superman wears Keanu Reeves PJs
Keanu Reeves had a staring contest with the sun, and won
Why did the chicken cross the road, it was follo...

I was thinking of making a Groundhog Day style movie with Keanu Reeves as a teenager

Working title is john constant teen

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What’s the difference between Abraham Lincoln’s killer and where Keanu Reeves sits at a restaurant?

One is John Wilkes Booth, and the other is John Wick’s booth.

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Keanu Reeves isn't much of a body builder

No whey!

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what do you call a Keanu reeves who doesn't eat vegetables

A John Weak.

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What do you get when Keanu Reeves takes shrooms?

Neosporin

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What did Keanu Reeves say to the air thief

Your breathtaking!

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Keanu Reeves threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then it exploded

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Keanu Reeves is coming out with a candle line...

He's calling them John wicks.

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Keanu Reeves was charged in court today

for causing breathing difficulties to people around him

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One day, Keanu Reeves is leaving his house...

On his way out, his home is surrounded by paparazzi. Looking into the crowds, he sees 20 people or so, and standing in between all of them, is a rather large machine. He hides his face and quickly rushes to his car.

Keanu, knowing how to elude the paparazzi where possible, drives a rather ro...

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What does Keanu Reeves do when his dog dies?

Keanu greeves

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How long would it take Keanu Reeves to learn Spanish?

Juan Wick

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Keanu Reeves walks into a bar

A month later the bar had to close down because it was now set so high nobody else could enter it

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It's been reported that Keanu Reeves has been stealing people's inhalers.

In other words, he's breathtaking

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Where does Keanu Reeves go to do his research?

Wick-ipedia

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Christopher Reeves went to the cobbler to pick up a pair of boots he was having custom made...

...he asked the cobbler if the pair he was working on was his to which the cobbler replied, "No, wrong Christopher. These boots were made for Walken."

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I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

Asian keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at a party

Asian Keanu gets bored

Asian keanu Reeves

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Keanu Reeves is celebrated as a saint for his hover hands. When I met him he kept cupping my balls!

Best golf partner I ever had.

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Aliens invade earth

A flying saucer comes down one day. A group of heavily armed, green-skinned extraterrestrials disembark carrying enormous weapons.

One opens his mouth and announces "Greetings Earthlings! You have 72 hours to bring us your world leader! If he finds favor in our eyes, you will be spared. If ...

Name dropping

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Keanu Reeves and I are good friends," he brags to the bartender. "Just not with each other."

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Asian John Wick walks into a bar

He eats, shoots, and Reeves.

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The sailor's birthday

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can...

What's the quickest way to a human's heart?

Keanu Reeves' smile!

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A guy rides hies horse in the forest and all of a sudden a small dwarf jumps at the road

the person almost killing the dwarf stops hies horse
go down and tell him "are you mental ?! i could have killed you!"
the dwarf replies "oh thanks for not killing me, im actually a magical dwarf and for saving my life ill grant you three wishes"
the rider thinks for a second a says sure.....

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Action movie editor

An action movie editor is in the editing room trimming a Keanu Reeves movie.

It’s filled with cool scenes on motorcycles, and hand-to-hand martial arts combat. But it’s long. The editor has to pull some scenes.

So he’s pulling scenes and removes a really cool scene involving a stuntma...

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves in a house fire.

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Steph Curry picks up a veteran and a rookie teammate on his way to a game against the Lakers.

While on the road, they wind up behind an SUV and Steph sees that Shaq is behind the wheel. Steph kicks it into overdrive and passes Shaq going 70 mph.

A little while later they see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Mustang. Steph floors it and passes him going 80 mph.

Halfway to the game, t...

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