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Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

Two multimillionaire friends met up for lunch and started chatting.

"So how's your home life?" asks the first multimillionaire.

"Couldn't be better," replies the second multimillionaire. "I bought an elephant!"

"An elephant? Are you crazy?"

"It's the best purchase I ever made! He grazes the lawn and makes it nice and even. The kids love to ride ...

What's one way to turn a mild-mannered cleaner into a raging homicidal maniac?

Tell them, "You missed a spot!"

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

Once a hobbit gets to around 125 years old, they are very likely to die. And a little known fact is that, when they do, they are generally found to have a raging, post-mortem erection!

That's right, old hobbits die hard.

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Another financial crisis is raging

One banker to another:
- I'm so fucked, gonna lose everything, can't sleep at all, you?
- I sleep like a baby
- How so?
- I wake up crying every half an hour and I shat my bed twice last night

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If a raging boner was a girl, what it would be called

Stiffany

A Mexican with a raging erection walks into a wall. What part hits the wall first?

The lawnmower.

There’s only one word you need to respond to a raging boomer.

And that’s ok.

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My ex-girlfriend had this weird fetish

She liked to dress up like herself and act like a raging bitch all the time

A young jock enters a pharmacy to buy condoms

Knowing the pharmacists is an old-fashioned gentleman and noticing a slight frown on his face, the young man decides to have some fun at his expenses by asking for another pack, remarking "you know, my girlfriend truly sounded thirsty last time I talked to her... Better be sure we don't run out!"...

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Working night shift tonight and fucking raging.

Santa Claus

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead come to a raging river.

They meet a wish granting wizard just before it. The brunette goes first, “I wish to be strong enough to swim across.” She grows bug muscles and swims across.
The readhead next, “I wish to be handy enough to build a boat to get a cross.” Her wish is is granted, she cuts down a tree hollows it in...

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Frank, British war veteran and quadriplegic, was a raging alcoholic.

When he was sober, Frank was a mean bad ass mother fucker, that no-one dare cross.

But when Frank was legless he was 'armless.

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I wake up every morning at the same time to a raging boner.

It runs like cockwork.

I told my friend that I never knew that Rage Against the Machine was so political, and that it really ruined the music for me.

He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were raging against, the dishwasher?

One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river.

They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it.
The first blonde prayed to god saying, 'Please god, give me the strength to cross this river.' Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this the secon...

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Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

Raging Gamers

A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week.

92% said "your mum"

Probably, anyway.

A family was standing on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, looking out at the raging water.

"Look, daughter!" The Mom said. "Did you know on this side of the Falls is one country, and the other side of the Falls is a different country?"

"Really?" said the daughter, amazed.

"Y...

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What do you call it when Stephen Hawking gets a raging hard on?

A bonerfied genius.

Growing up I had raging hormones

My parents had to beat it out of me

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My mother has the biggest boobs in the world

My mom always get raging mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest boobs. She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.

I am glad as a raging alcholic in the US.

I am glad, as a raging alcholic in the US, I am no longer scared to be judged when I accidentally stumble into the wrong bathroom

I woke up with a raging hard on....

I called my wife over and told her to fix my clock. She said "that doesn't look like a clock." I responded, "if you put a face and 2 hands on it it does."

Weight loss

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about he...

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This big ol' grizzly bear walks up to the bar and orders s drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve wild animals."

Furious at this, the bear loses his cool, starts roaring and raging, knocking people and tables over. In his fury, he picks up an old woman and eats her down in one bite. Crunch.

Now, a bit sedated, he returns to the bar and says "Come ...

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A man dies and goes to hell...

He arrives in hell to find Satan standing behind a podium, like a game show host, there are 3 doors behind him, marked 1,2 and 3, coloured Red, White and Blue.

The man walks up to Satan, Satan says “ Choose a door, but beware, once in you cannot leave” The man asks “ well what’s behind the do...

Why did Father Christmas go see a psychiatrist?

He stopped believing in himself.









\---

He is also a raging alcoholic and suffers from clinical depression.

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A Retired Jewish Man Is Walking On The Beach, When He Sees A Bottle In The Sand.

He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish.

The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish."

The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the...

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

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