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Laden Jokes

Osama bin Laden dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who weren't qui...

Who was Osama bin Ladenโ€™s favorite team?

The New York Jets.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

If you switch the B and S in Osama bin Laden, it becomes Obama Sin-Laden . . .

Some might consider that prophetic, others slanderous.

But I say it's just flippin' BS.

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's hol...

What animal was Osama bin-Laden afraid of?

SEALs

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

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If I am in a room with Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Benito Mussolini....

Then I am probably suffering from Schizophrenia.

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer"

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Why was Osama bin laden kicked out of geometry class.

He kept blowing up the pentagons.

Osama bin Laden jokes are funny sometimes...

When they're executed well.

What's Bin Laden's favorite chess opening?

Pwn to C4

Osama Bin Laden tried doing standup comedy before terrorism

He bombed.

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Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks โ€œwho was REALLY behind 9/11?โ€

Before God can answer, the seco...

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

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If I was in a room with hitler, osama bin laden and stalin,

I would ask you to write a letter to my mother about my mental illness

I'd make an Osama bin laden joke

But it's a bit of a shot in the dark

What was Osama Bin Laden's favourite drink?

A Double Manhattan

The Aussie Farmer, Osama Bin Laden And A Biker

Three men - a Farmer, Osama bin Laden and a
Biker are all walking together one day.


They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
says the Genie.


The Farmer says, 'I am a farmer and my son wil...

What was Osama bin Laden's biggest regret as a parent?

kids blow up so fast

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Osama Bin Laden's afterlife...

After he was killed by Seal Team Six, Osama Bin Laden immediately found himself in a large room filled with fat middle aged men wearing strange costumes.

As he looked around he saw a gigantic sign that said "Welcome fellow Trekies."

Confused by his surroundings, Osama wanted to get out...

What is Osama Bin Ladenโ€™s least favorite type of wine?

White Infidel

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What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common?

Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it!

How does Bin Laden introduce himself to Germans?

Ich Bin Laden.

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If I was in a room with two bullets, Hitler, Osama bin laden, and any person that sleeps fully clothed

Iโ€™d walk away, because Hitler and Bin Laden are both dead and I donโ€™t have a gun.

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Have you heard about the porn parody crossover starring Castro and Bin Laden?

It's called In-Fidel

Osama Bin Laden has been having trouble thinking lately

His brain is pretty scattered right now

Would would win a chess game between George Bush and Osama Bin Laden?

Osama. Why? Because George already lost two towers.

What do Erdogan, Osama bin Laden, and Little Miss Muffett all have in common?

They all have Kurds in their way.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A cooking utensil owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden went for auction today.

Itโ€™s the grater of two evils.

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

He was an Afghani-Stan.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

We finally have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden is dead.

He just registered to vote in Chicago.

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

Osama-bin-Laden had traveled into town after several weeks

in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.

Laden was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store: WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

H...

โ€œDonald, what did you do after you realized this wasnโ€™t going to be your Bin Laden?โ€

"I RAN"

6 years ago today Seal Team Six took out Bin Laden

Tonight I am going to celebrate with a drink consisting of two shots and a splash of water.

after 3 weeks of lockdon

I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was Osama bin Laden.

Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory.

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate?

Sandy Hook.

I went into a bar and ordered a Bin Laden

Two shots and splash of water.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet...

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet. So, he goes all the way downtown to the tux store and when he opens the door there's a huge long tux line. Apparently everyone in town waited until the last possible minute to rent a tux, which shouldn't be that surp...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

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Osama bin Laden dies and goes to heaven . . . .

. . . . So he's waiting at this gate when all of a sudden, George Washington comes out.

"You attacked the country I helped found!" and beats the crap out of him. Then he goes back inside and Thomas Jefferson comes out. "You hate the Declaration of Independence that I wrote!" And beats the eve...

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

Has enough time passed in our country that we honestly and openly talk about the good things Osama Bin Laden did for us?

You don't think he did anything good? You're wrong.

How about the fact that when you take your wife or gf to the airport, you no longer have to walk her all the way to the gate?

Private Jones goes to SHAPE

While working a NATO conference at the Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe, Private Jones, of the US Army had some free time. So he found his way to the closest pub, and finding all the bar stools taken, he asks to sit down at a table filled with 3 older gentleman wearing uniforms.

A b...

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One day, a man comes home from work and greets his wife...

One day, a man comes home from work and greets his wife. Upon seeing him, she asks for $20 to buy meat for dinner.

He leads her to a mirror, holds up the $20 bill and says to her, "Honey, the $20 in the mirror is yours. The other belongs to me."

Satisfied with his "ingenious" remark, h...

So close

I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings. The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this truck covered in Trump and confederate flags comes up behind me, but rather than stop, they pulled out...

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Pakistan is opening an amusement park

Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place.

The zoo is pretty cool, but you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late....

New York City is the archnemises of Introverts

It always seems like it's a creepy introvert that wants to destroy the largest American city.


After 9/11, even Osama Bin Laden escaped to a cave and then a Pakistani stronghold to have his alone time and recharge.


But like any good friendship, that introvert has that one ex...

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So I told Hitler about 9/11

I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.

So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.

Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....

Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years

A joke from George Carlin,tucked away because of 9/11

Theย most strikingย thing about the show is that Carlin made a joke about Osama bin Laden and an exploding airplane. In a fashion typical of the comedian, who always passed easily between the corporeal and the sublime, it started as a fart joke. โ€œThese planes get flying so fast that all the most vicio...

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A honeymoon couple booked into a quiet sea-side hotel.

All the staff exchanged knowing glances. At 3 o' clock on the first morning, the desk clerk noticed the groom heading out laden with fishing gear. Amazed, the clerk asked,

"You're going fishing? Why aren't you making love to your lovely new wife?"

"No way, she's got gonnorhoea."
...

The King of the magical land Wakanda invited the President of the United States and the Queen of Britain to visit.

When they arrived, the Royal Guide of Wakanda brought them to the Palace.
"I should warn you, the beauty and luxury you will see is unparalleled." he said.
They both snorted haughtily. Surely this third-world country couldn't compete with their own riches.

But when they entered, they we...

Sherlock Holmes & John Watson were riding along in a carriage.

They went past a fruit orchard with numerous trees laden with apples. One odd tree stood out from the rest.

Watson was curious, "What's that Holmes?"

Sherlock replied, "A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson."

What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans?

It was Bin Laden

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.ย  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.ย  'I don't know she replie...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

Two men have been selected for an expedition to the North Pole

Their names are George Bernard and William Briggs. On this journey theyโ€™ve been given a state of the art ship to cross through iceberg laden waters unscathed and plenty of supplies for the trip. On the 20th of December George and William set off on their expedition. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the...

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My all-time favorite one liner NSFW

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

Did you hear about the refuse collector in Pakistan who died after carrying too much rubbish?

He was Bin Laden.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The pastor's first mass

The young pastor was so nervous before his first mass that he could not speak a word. He asks the bishop for advice, and he tells him to pour two drops of vodka in a glass of water and drink it.

The young pastor does as advised and immediately felt so good that nothing could stop him.
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The Purple Pirate

This is not a good joke, my Dad told it to me years ago and I haven't seen it here yet.

There was once a purple pirate who sailed the 7 purple seas. One purple day, as the sky was clear and purple the purple pirate landed his purple ship on a purple island.

The Purple pirate explored t...

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