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Predicts Jokes

What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How national weather service predicts weather.

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a device that predicts someone’s penis length?

A Cockulator

A CPU predicts you will walk into a bar

You do not.
Your wallet has been stolen.

In the wake of inflation, and the conflict in Eastern Europe...

... the German government predicts an imminent shortage of sausage and cheese, and are formulating a plan for emergency intervention to deal with this impending crisis.

They're referring to the plan as their Wurst/Kase scenario.

What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients?

A hooker with a gimmick

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