My favorite “And that’s when the fight started” joke!

A drunk man comes home to his wife and stands swayingly before her. She sees that his pants are ripped, his legs are bloody and he has bruises on his knuckles. Odd though, everything above his waist seems perfectly fine.

Wife: Oh no… What’s happened to you this time?

Husband: It was no...

What’s small than a teeny weeny fly?

A fly’s teeny weeny!!

My mom told me this joke when I was about 6 and it still makes me smile every time I think of it!

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

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A man named Ted moved into an apartment building and was invited to have dinner by the old lady next door.

He arrives and is introduced to her beloved cat Sadie and then they sit down to eat.

A few minutes into the meal Ted starts feeling rather gassy. He holds it as long as he can but finally lets out a teeny fart.

Before he can apologize the old lady yells out "Sadie!" and tells her cat t...

The Three Wishes

A woman gets three wishes, BUT, says the Genie, for everything you wish, your husband will be granted your wish times 1000. She says, “I would like to be beautiful.” The Genie grants her wish, and says, you are beautiful, but your husband is the most handsome man alive. She says, “I would like to be...

What’s smaller than a teeny, weenie fly?

A fly’s teeny weenie.

What's tinier than a teeny weenie ant?

An ant's teeny weenie.

Size difference

Q: What's smaller than a teeny weeny Ant?
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A: An Ant's teeny weeny!

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Lizzard

So, not mine, but my favourite. Worth a read, I promise.




Lizard Birth

If you' ve raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish,
the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

I had to take my son's...

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I was teased about my penis size almost every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.

If it weren't for that, being home-schooled wouldn't have been so bad.

It was just another day in the jungle, and the little tailor store was open as usual.

*ting a-ling-ting* The door jingles open and in walks a flea, a spider and a rat.

They all ask to be measured up and fitted for suits.

"Step this way", says the tailor and begins measuring up the flea with his tiny teeny tape measure.

"You're pretty fat for a flea", he says, a...

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A married couple goes to Mars

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the...

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I wrote this one yesterday. Hopefully it's worth the read...

It was 1987 and Mr O'Neal had been working in his tailor shop for little creatures solidly, all year!

*ting-ting-ting-ting-tinnng... ting* The door jingles open and in hops a flea.

He approaches the tailor and says, "The big dance is tonight. I need the finest suit in your store".
...

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A man goes to the doctor.

He says to the doctor "I have a big problem. But first I want you to promise me you won't laugh."

"Oh, no sir, that would be very unprofessional. I have been practicing medicine for over 30 years and I've seen it all. So you have my word."

"OK" says the man and drops his pants. As soon...

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A French traveled to Spain

He passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight.

Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that there was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed up and came back six we...

Have you ever smelled mothballs?

How'd you get their teeny legs apart?

some knock knock jokes my daughter told me on the way home from school

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana skin."
"Banana skin, who?"
"Yay! Someone slipped on me! You know, *because people slip on banana skins*."

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Toilet paper."
"Toilet paper, who?"
"Noooo! Don't wipe me on your d...

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A man has an unfortunately sized penis...

And he doesn't have a lot of money. He goes to a doctor and says "Doc, please can you help me? My penis is so small, I don't know what to do!" The doctor says "Well yes, but the procedure is $10,000."
"Aw geez doc I could NEVER afford that!" he says defeated

The doctor replies "Well, if ...

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