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Pillaging Jokes

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

Who drives the ship while all the pirates are pillaging?

No one, they just turn on auto-pirate

Benny the Viking

Benny was your typical Viking. Strong, tall and courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one.

See, Benny couldn’t grow a beard. For all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.

This bothered Benny, because when he was out p...

The knight struts proudly into the court, sword bloody and armor covered in gore

"Sire, I have returned," he proclaims, "from my long arduous campaign, pillaging your enemies to the west."

"But we don't *have* any enemies to the west," the king says puzzled.

"Well, you do now."

What's the difference between the Great Pyramid in Egypt and the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas?

Ages of neglect and pillaging have caused one of them to fall into utter disrepair. The other is in Egypt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Medieval polish farmer is out working in his fields one day, and digs up an old magic lamp. He begins to wipe off the dirt, thinking to sell it at market, when suddenly a Genie flies out, offering the astonished farmer 3 wishes.

"Oh Noble farmer, you have freed me from my prison, and for that I grant you 3 wishes! What say you?"

The farmer thinks hard about his first wish, and finally says "I wish for the Mongol hoard to come invade Poland."

The Genie looks at the farmer, puzzled for a moment, then nods. The e...

[Long] A Polish farmer...

During WWII a Polish farmer is tilling his field when he finds a lamp. He picks up the lamp and rubs off the dirt when a genie pops out.

The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return I will give you three wishes."

"Ok" says the farmer, "for my first wish I want the...

A knight and his men return to their castle...

...after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
...

My favorite genie joke.

An Irish farmer was tending to his land when he discovered a magic lamp. He rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared.
"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you any three wishes," he says. "Now, what is your first wish?"
The farmer says, "I want the Huns to attack Ireland!"
The genie q...

Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.

"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."

"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a City Slicker walks into an old tavern by the sea

He sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch! He decided she has to meet this pirate, and sits down next to him and orders him a beer asking him, “Hello Mr. Pirate sir, if it’s not too much trouble would please tell me how you lost your leg?”

The pirate responds, “Well ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three outlaws in the wild west were sitting around a campfire one night

They are all cooking some dinner and reflecting after a long day of robbing and pillaging.

The first outlaw says, "I am the craziest outlaw that has ever roamed the west. I robbed a bank in town today and I killed the guard just for looking at me funny!"

"You think that's crazy..." ...

This should raise a dry smile, then...

The knight approached the king and said, "Sire, we have spent the past two weeks destroying and pillaging the towns of your enemies to the West."

"What?" said the king, concerned. "I don't have any enemies in the West!"

"Oh," said the knight. "Well, you do now..."

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