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Pigeons Jokes

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TIL Pigeons die when they have sex

At least the one I fucked did

What sound do Russian pigeons make?

Coo...

Coo...
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What do you contract from kissing pigeons?

Coo-ties
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NSFW apparently pigeons die after sex

I didn't believe it myself, I tried and indeed they die

Why don’t pigeons echo?

A coo sticks.
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Pigeons must be very interested in chemistry...

I've only heard them talk about esters!
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A teacher asks in class:

"If three pigeons are sitting on a tree, and i shoot down one, how many pigeons will be left?"
A student raises their hand and says: "None."
Confused, the teacher asks why, to which the student responds: "Well, if you shoot down one, the others will get scared by the gunshot and fly away."...
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Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few ...
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Pigeon problem

Visited a friend on the eighth floor of her old government office building in Washington. There were hundreds of pigeons sitting on the ledge along the building outside the windows, making noise and pooping, two inches deep in some places. They were really annoying. I asked her if they'd tried getti...

Did you hear about the pigeons that overthrew the government?

They formed a "coo".
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I don't trust pigeons....

They're always planning some kind of coo...
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Did you hear about the pigeons at the Kremlin?

They keep saying "coup.... coup".
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Feeding pigeons

Two guys are feeding pigeons in the park.

'These pigeons are just like politicians,' says one.
'Really? How so?,' replies the other, dutifully.
'As long as they're at our level, they'll eat out of our hands. But as soon as they get to the top, they just shit on us.'

I heard there were some mute pigeons that unsuccessfully tried to overthrow the government.

It was a failed coo
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The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died.

Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.
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I love eBay!

Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.
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With Net Neutrality gone I’m finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won’t be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

What did the bag of chips say to the angry pigeons?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers
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Pigeons...

I've just seen a flock of pigeons in army unifoms.

I think it might be a military coo.
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Three old ladies are sitting in the park feeding the pigeons.

All of a sudden a large man jumps in front of the trio, pulls open his trench coat and flashes his manhood.

The first old lady immediately has a stroke. The second old lady also had a stroke but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach.
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A town in the southwest is struggling with a pigeon problem...

The pigeons invaded the town and were pooping on everything. The mayor solicited companies to find someone who could help with the problem.

One day a man came and claimed he could rid the town of all the pigeons in one day. The mayor, skeptical, asked how he planned to accomplish this.
...

Two friends having gotten tired of using instant communication, decided to use old fashioned means of messaging each other, such as pigeons.

For a few days, it is great. Then one day, a pigeon shows up at one friends house with a blank piece of paper.

Angry, the receiver phones his friend to ask what was the meaning of the message.

To which his friend calmly replies, "Oh, that was a missed call."
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I've started a team called "The Pigeons"

We shit on the competition.

Pigeons are just like doves.

Except no one invites them to weddings.
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Why can't pigeons have a military?

Because the risk of a coup is too high
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The Blue Pigeon.

There once was a medium sized city on the countryside. The villagers were happy, economy was thriving, education in top form, and few complaints could be made.

One day a pigeon arrived. The next day another. And the next day the pigeon population doubled again. This happened until the villag...

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.
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My brother was arrested for feeding pigeons at the zoo.

He was feeding them to the lions.
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In his spare time my dad races pigeons

I don’t know why, he never beats them.
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There where a couple of pigeons sitting on my fence earlier, so I shouted at them and they both fell off and died.

I didn't know you could kill two birds with one's tone.
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For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.

I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.

It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.

It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...
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I wrote a joke about pigeons.

Stoned pigeon poetry: High Coo
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What's the difference between divorced men and pigeons ?

The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's
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The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix .

He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, the people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads..

It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidew alks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the May...

There are so many pigeons in major US cities

I wonder if they are planning a coup.
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A small city is over run with pigeons.

The mayor has exhausted all the city's resources but nothing seems to be working on the pigeons.

A lone man walks into the office and tells the mayor he can get ride of all the pigeons free of charge. His only stipulation is that the mayor cannot ask him any questions. If anyone ask the man e...
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Yesterday I killed a pair of pigeons with an unmanned flying device.

You could say I killed two birds with one drone!
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I get concerned when a bunch of pigeons start gathering together

I worry they’re arranging a coo
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I was at the park with my sister

And I said to some pigeons, “Sorry, I have no bread for you”

My sister said to me after saying that “the pigeons can’t talk”

So I went back to the pigeons and said “sorry you can’t talk”

The end
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Another parrot joke.

A society woman receives a parrot as a gift. She quickly teaches the parrot to announce the various guests who arrive at her many parties. As Mr. and Mrs. Smith arrive, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Smith." As Mr. and Mrs. Jones arrived, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and M...

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.
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I walked in front of my home and found a bunch of pigeons sitting around and I shoed then all off

I was afraid that they might be planing a coo
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There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...
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A man

…was visiting a psychiatrist to complain about his wife. “She’s crazy, doc, keeps at least forty cats in our tiny apartment. There’s shit everywhere, and the stink is *unbelievable* because the windows are always closed!”

Doc says “We’ll, why don’t you at least open the windows to get rid of ...

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So there's a huge pigeon problem in Arizona...

There are pigeons and pigeon shit all over cars roads, sidewalks, everywhere. A citizen has a meeting with the state guy in charge of fixing the problem, and says "hey man, I can fix this easily, and I'll do it for free. The only thing I ask is that nobody asks me any questions, or I get a million d...

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