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Norm MacDonald dies and finds himself standing in front of Satan.

"Oh no!!", he says, "Am I in Hell?"

"Yes," replies Satan, "but it's not as bad as you think. I'll show you the joint."

Norm looks around, notices that they are standing in a lush green field, with bountiful fruit trees, and fluffy clouds in an azure sky.

Satan says, "Not bad ri...

Bob's anniversary

Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck’s engine started sputtering and died on the road.

Bob was fairl...

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

A Guy is Walking Through a Marina

He looks over and sees a Boat with AMB on the prow.

As he's thinking about it....
American ships are called USS...United States Ship
British are called HMS...Her Majesty's Ship

For the life of him he could not place what AMB would stand for.

So he calls down to the gentlem...

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A hooker walks into a bar...

A hooker is sitting at the bar when a date walks up.

“How much for a handjob?”he asks the hooker

$500

$500?!?!? That’s outrageous!

Hooker points out the window to a Ferrari
“Honey, see that Ferrari out there? I bought that car by giving the best handjobs.”

They...

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave walks into his local pub...

...and sees Bob sitting at the bar, grinning from ear to ear.

Dave goes up to Bob and says, “Oy, Bob, what you grinning about there?” Bob replies, “Oh, Dave! Well, I was out there yesterday just waxing my boat and up walks this blonde with the most amazing tits! I start up a conversation and...

Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry

M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russ...

Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. H...

A black guy sees an ad in the paper...

...that says, "Come and enjoy a relaxing afternoon floating down the river followed by a champagne party!" Well, the guy thinks this sounds pretty good and so heads on down to the marina. But as soon as he gets there, 3 white guys jump out of the bushes. They strip him naked, tie him to a log and th...

Help! A terrorist is drowning!

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina, I noticed a man running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" and "Death to all Infidels!", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat be...

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Guy gets a new job...

(Long but worrh the read)...

a guy gets a bew job at an all in one store. His manager says that he works on commission so just try to sell a few things and he'll come back and check on him later.
At the end of the day he comes back and asks the salesman how many sales he had. The guy rep...

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