Why was the king only one foot tall?

Because he was a ruler.

I am sad, my boyfriend only has one foot

Mom: consider yourself lucky, you father only had 6 inches

What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot?

Normal

Whats one foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

(Yes, I'm a dad)

How do you describe a racist that only has one foot?

Lack toes intolerant.

A completely drunk man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."

A girl married a man who only had one foot…

The next day, her mother called her and asked, "My dear, what do you think about marriage?"

Her daughter replied, "Oh, it's real splendid, even though he only has one foot!"

Her mom cackled, "You're so lucky! When I married your dad, he only had one inch!"

What do you call a Chinese man with one foot?

Taiwon Shou.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab has a rendezvous with a British soldier, and they plan to trek across the desert to a secret military base.

"Come on my friend," says the Arab, "We must trek across the desert. The food here is the poorest in the world, so we must make haste. Would you like one of my camels?"

"No I don't want a camel." says the Brit. He starts walking.

Confused, the Arab knows it's a long trip to where they ...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

Tom lost a foot in a traffic accident.

Years later, he fell in love with Mary. Tom didn't tell Mary his disability, worrying that she might leave him.

Tom loved Mary so much that he proposed to her and she said yes.

The next day after the wedding, Mary called her mother angrily : " My husband has only one foot "

...

A house tour

One man is showing his friend the new house he bought.

"Nice yard!"
"Thanks, but make sure to hop on one foot when I'm in it too"
"What, why?"
"Because only 3 feet in a yard"

How long should socks be?

Twelve inches, so you can fit in one foot!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

A farmer drove to a neighbour’s farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" 

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus & Moses in a boat

so jesus and moses were rowing a boat fishing for supper and after no action Jesus was getting bored and he was like 'hey moishe, moishe--check it out, you think i can still walk on water? you think i still have it? how much you wanna bet i can still walk on water?' Moses says 'i'll take any bet you...

Guy walks into a bar completely naked...

except for a beat up old sneaker on one foot. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender “Hey man, can I get a beer?”

The bartender shakes his head in disbelief, pours him a beer, and hands it to him. The bartender says “Sir uh... I can’t help but notice... you seem to have lost a sh...

Why are Fire Trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and eight plus four is twelve, and there are 12 inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the...

My brothers always out clubbing, my parents are really worried about his health.

He's always had one foot in the rave.

NSFW

standing on one foot on office chairs

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

A man walks into a bar...

As he enters, he notices the smallest person he's ever seen sitting up on the bar playing a tiny piano. Not wanting to offend he ignore's him and asks the bartender for a drink. After an hour or so drowning his sorrows the man asks the bartender for the rest room.

The bartender says: "It's i...

Two medicine students were sitting on a bench...

Two medicine students were sitting on a bench when they saw an old man walking along the road.

The man seemed to have some sort of disability because he had his legs unusually close together and when we walked he dragged one foot along the road.

The medicine students, taught to come t...

Cop: Are you drunk?

Me: um if I was drunk, could I do this?

\*stands on one foot\*

Cop: ok first of all, ow

What do you call...

What do you call a man in a three foot deep hole?

Doug.

What do you call a man in a one foot deep hole?

Douglas ( say it out loud)

There’s a ton more..... fire away.

(Must be the dad in me but I love these types of jokes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Rabbit Brothers

Once upon a time there were three rabbit brothers named Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot.

One day Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot were out in the meadow eating grass. Well Foot ended up eating some bad grass, so Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot took Foot to the hospital. The doctor said "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little red riding hood was told to look out for the wolf

So she’s really vigilant; she walks through the forest and she spots an eye through the bush and she says: “I see you mr wolf!” The wolf runs away. She goes deeper in the forest and she spots the wolf’s ears: “I see you Mr. Wolf!” The wolf runs away, little red riding hood goes deeper in the forest ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaker, Breaker

There was once a family of three ,a Mom named Shirley, a Dad named Rick, and a little Boy named Spencer. They owned a cat named Sprinkles.

It was a usual Tuesday morning, Rick went to work and Shirley was home with Spencer and Sprinkles. Per usual Shirley started her cleaning regiment, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The New Gynecologist

One morning, it's time for Karen's yearly checkup on her "lady parts." She drives to the Gynecologist, is shown into an examination room, and prepares for the exam. To her mild upset, her usual Doctor isn't there.

"What happened to Dr. Michaels?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Lewis...

Three old ladies

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses. She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pau...

A man walks into a bar

As he walks to the counter, he sees a one foot tall man playing the piano. He comments the player on his skill, and then sits down and orders a beer. The bartender reaches down and hands him an empty bottle.

"What's this?" asks the man. "I asked for a beer." "That's the wishing bottle," the b...

I don't know why they have to Italian, but ... (longish)

A young Italian bride is to spend her wedding night at her mother’s house. The bride and groom retire to the bedroom, where the groom starts disrobing. He takes off his shirt, to reveal a hairy, muscly chest, and the bride rushes next door to tell her mama, “Mama, he got a large hairy chest!”. To wh...

Mbeki and his elephant

Mbeki was a boy who live in a small village on the edge of the great Serengeti plain of Africa. Mbeki would spend days watching the animals on the plain, learning and studying their behaviors.

Twice a year during the great animal migration from their summer to their winter feeding grounds and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this guy that gets suicidal everytime one of his pets dies.

So he goes to a therapist to see if he can conquer the emotional response. After several sessions his therapist tells him to get a porpoise. They're normal lifespan will allow for him to pass on before the porpoise would.

He also tells the guy that he must feed this porpoise baby seagulls to ...

A young man from the hills of Kentucky came home on leave from the military.

He knew his family would ask a million questions, so he managed to convince his sergeant to let him take home his weapon and a training grenade.

As he crested the hill, his cousins and siblings came pouring out to see him, but immediately saw his rifle and begged him to let them shoot it. So...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady walks into a bar...

A lady walks into a bar. A man is sitting at the bar and reaches into his bag to pay his tab and the woman notices it’s clearly overflowing with cash.

Intrigued, she asks the man where he had come across such a large sum. He holds up one finger, reaches once again into his bag, digs through ...

A young Italian couple were just married...

The year was 1901 and a young couple was just married in a small town in Italy. They were staying at the brides parents house, as it was customary for the first few days while their living situation was sorted out. The mother was making a delicious red sauce when the bride decided she would join h...

There was a boy who had a pet frog

The boy was also a budding scientist, so he decided to perform an experiment on this frog. He got a notebook, a pencil, and a knife. He tells the frog, "frog, jump!" and the frog jumps up four feet into the air.

The boy writes in his notebook "frog with four legs can jump four feet"

Th...

Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot

There's a road, on one side is a beautiful green field and on the other side is a horrible muddy field with three sheep. The first sheep is named Foot, the second sheep is named Foot Foot and the third sheep is named Foot Foot Foot. One day Foot said to Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot "Bah, Foot Foot a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rectal stretcher

I was driving down the highway going a little too fast when I look in my rear view and a state trooper is pulling me over. I pull to the shoulder and he approached my window, he asks, “do you know how fast you were going?” I quickly try to explain to him that I’m a doctor and I’m on my way to an imp...

Jesus and Moses are fishing up in Heaven...

Jesus and Moses are fishing up in Heaven reminiscing about their days on Earth. Moses says, "Man we really did some cool things back in the day." Jesus, "Hey, how about we try to do some of our old tricks?" Moses says, "Alright, I'll go first." Moses stands up, staff in one hand raises his arms toge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad went to play golf...

On a sunny Saturday afternoon and was randomly paired up with a priest. On the first hole, dad missed a three foot putt for par and said to himself "G*d damn it, I missed!"

The priest said to him "My son, please do not take the lord's name in vain."

On the second hole, my dad missed a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dave and his priest go golfing...

On the first hole Dave is one foot of the hole, putts and misses.

"Shit missed!" Says Dave.

"Don't say that! God will strike you down!" says the pope

On the seventh hole Dave is half a foot from the hole, putts and misses.

"Shit missed!" Says Dave.

"Don't say that!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul wanted to marry Sophia.

Alas, Sophia preferred men six feet in height, and poor Paul was 9'. (Sophia had weird affinities for six-footers, don't ask me why.) He came to know from his magical friend John that there was a parrot in the middle of the forest who can make a person one foot shorter by saying "no".
Paul encoun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks down a lonely beach

After a while, he sees another man laying on a towel with a lamp on one side of him and a one foot tall man playing the piano on the other side of him.

After exchanging pleasantries, the first man asks "what's that?", pointing to the lamp. "Oh, that?", says the second man. "That's a magic lam...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of the Bacon Tree

Two guys are lost in the desert, wandering in the hot sun, starving and dying of thirst. They're about to lie down and give up when all of a sudden one of them says, "H..H...Hey...do you smell bacon?"

The other one says, "Yeah...I do smell bacon. What is that?"

So the two gather their ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills a...

A Scientist is experimenting on a frog...

The scientist tells the frog, “Jump frog! Jump!”

And then the frog leaps 4 feet across the testing table. So the scientist marks down in his notebook, “frog with 4 legs jump 4 feet”

The scientist then brandishes a large cooking cleaver and chops off one of the front legs of the frog....

Took a girl with severe OCD to subway..

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

"I need to see if this is actually one foot long!" she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled ...

You ever hear about the guy who stepped on the à?

He had one foot in the grave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest and a Nun go golfing...

...They reach the first teebox and decide the Nun shall go first. She sets up her ball and then proceeds to pray

"Oh Father, we thank for this wonderful game of golf and this beautifull day that we can come together and play golf for you glory. I ask for you blessing with this drive. Father,...

Jesus is wandering through the desert

Jesus is wandering through the desert, desperately seeking his father. It has been 40 days and 40 nights since he last rested or had a meal and he is exhausted.

Just as he thinks he can't take it any more, he sees a figure on the distant horizon. He manages to summon up the energy to stumble ...

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

It's for a Duck

An Atlanta lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.