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Nursing Homes Jokes

What do they call the 4th of July in nursing homes?

In Depends Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do nursing homes give the men Viagra at bedtime?

To keep them from rolling out of bed!

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Did you know that Viagra prescriptions are given at a higher rate in nursing homes than anywhere else?

It helps the men stop rolling out of bed!

My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen.

We call it LAARPing.

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I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care ...

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Old man and woman sitting in a nursing home

So these two older folks are sitting in their nursing home playing a game of checkers. Nothing interesting is happening until the old man remembers something, perks up and says to the woman: "Hey, guess what?"

"What" says the woman with a wry smile

"Today is my birthday!!" the old man ...

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

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