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Houses Jokes

I was running down the street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB.

what a trip down the memory lane

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

Which insurance company offers full coverage to frat houses?

Brogessive

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

What do skinny jeans and middle-class houses have in common?

No ballroom.

People who live in glass houses

should bang with the light off.

A young kid parks a bike near the Houses of Parliament and walks on...

A police constable stops him and asks: "Why did you park your bike here? You don't know about this road? MPs, Lords, and Civil Servants pass by here daily!"


The kid replied, smiling: "No worries, I've locked my bike."

Why are kidney donors’ houses so messy?

They are disorganized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fierce jungle tribe always built their houses in the trees

The wood made the floors and the supports, but the houses themselves were made out of thatched grass. The tribe honored those who built the best grass houses.

One day the tribe went to war with a nearby tribe. The warriors fought well and they sacked the tribe's village, taking the rival tr...

Glass houses

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones..... or mastubate in daytime.

Paraphrased from Bo Burnham. Credit where it's due.

Did you know cats can jump higher than houses?

It's due to they way their hind legs are built and they can generate so much forced with them and also because house can't jump.

If you wanted to display data about well built furniture for horse houses, what would it be called?

A stable stable tables table.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Why are Italians always locked out of their houses when they get home?

Gnocchi

There's a rumor an evil spirit is haunting houses nearby

They say that if it enters your house, your spelling starts to worsen. But that is only suprestition, ther is no whey deth e gost Ken du sash è t1ng, rait?

I'm coming out of retirement to build tiny houses.

I just need a little structure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mailman is delivering the mail to one of the houses on his route when he and the woman who lives there begin chatting. As the conversation continues, he notices a sheet hanging up in the middle of the living room with a small hole in it.

The mailman says, “So, may I ask what’s with the sheet hanging up?” She says, “Ahh yes. Last night we had a bunch of folks over and decided to play a game. The men got on one side of the sheet and the women got on the other. The men took turns putting their cocks in the hole and then the women would...

People in glass houses...

A pacific island tribal king was infamous for conquering surrounding islands and stealing the defeated king’s throne, and then stowing it, like a trophy, in the attic of his grass hut.

One day when sitting on his throne in said grass hut, the ceiling collapses under the weight of his trophie...

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night.

The police told us to stay in our houses until they'd shot him

My job is selling houses in places like Narnia, Middle-Earth, Neverland, Oz and Wonderland.

I’m a Not Real Estate Agent.

What did Russians use to light their houses before candles?

Electricity.

What do you call a pirate who designs houses?

An arrrgchetect

What rash is commonly found on houses?

Shingles.

What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes.

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