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Neutered Jokes

A dog is at the vet getting neutered...

When he wakes up he realized what happened...

Dog: what did you do to me?

Vet: Just a simple operation.

Dog: I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!!

Vet: YOU AIN'T GOT THE BALLS!!!

Bob Barker was dedicated to getting pets spayed and neutered

Say what you want but that took alot of balls

I dare you to get neutered

You won’t, no balls

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners and did wonderfully in workouts. In actual races, however, he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be neutered.

The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<...

I got my sausage dog neutered yesterday.

Now it's just a dog.

What did the daschund say when he was neutered?

Auf weinersehen

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Poodle, a Cocker Spaniel & a Great Dane are sitting in a veterinarian's waiting room.

The Great Dane asks, "What are you fellas here for?" The Poodle says, " The other night my owner had his boss and his wife over for dinner. I'd been feeling frisky all day and the wife's leg was looking good, so I jumpd up and started humping the heck out of it. She freaked out, my owner was furiou...

I took my cat in to get neutered today.

You think I'm taking this no nut November thing to seriously?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neutered dog wants to jump in the pool soo bad.

he just doesn’t have the balls to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor wanted to get her dog neutered

Sadly, she didn't have the balls to do it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) What do you call a dog that's been neutered/desexed?

It doesn't matter what you call it, it isn't cumming.

What does the sterile man say when asked if he's gonna get neutered?

Vas the deferens?

A rich old lady called the veterinarian to come to her apartment due to problems with her female cat.

Vet: Is your cat spayed?

ROL: No. I didn’t think that necessary. She never goes outside.

The vet inspected the cat carefully.

Vet: Well, she must have gotten out at some time. She’s pregnant.

ROL: She can’t be. Since I had her as a kitten she has never been outside thi...

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

A woman visits her daughter who went to college.

\- Listen, - the mother says after looking around - I know I raised you well, but... I see this campus has quite the loose morals. How, with everything around, do you manage to keep your chastity?

\- Oh, it's very simple, Mom, - the daughter reassures her. - Whenever some guy gets too pushy, ...

A woman enters the veterinarian's office with a large male Rottweiler.

The vet asks, " How can we help you today?"

The woman says, "My dog is all grown up now, and has started humping everything he can for hours on end day after day."

The vet asks, " Ahhh, ok so you want to set up an appointment to have him neutered?"

The woman responds, "No no, ju...

Two Dogs Are In The Vet

Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, "what are you in for?"

The other dog looks at him sadly and says, "our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I'm here to get ne...

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, ...

They say dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that...

How many of your friends have you neutered?

An old woman is sitting on her porch when a genie appears

"You get one wish" he is straight to the point. woman thinks about it but she is content with her life. Just that moment her cat strolls by. With a mischievous smile she tells genie she wants her cat turned into handsome man. "Done" genie says and vanishes. And true to his word instead of a cat ther...

I'm a Responsible Gun Owner.

I did the right thing and got my gun neutered. Now it just fires blanks.

Once upon a time...

There was an old lady who found a genie lamp. The genie appeared and said "I will grant you 3 wishes"

For her 1st wish the old lady wished for 10 million dollars and ***poof*** 10 million dollars appeared in cash.

For her 2nd wish the old lady wished to be young again and ***poof*** s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three dogs are waiting at the vet....

The first dog turns to the second dog and says, "What are you here for?" The second dog says, "Oh I'm a chewer. I chew on everything. Anything I can find I chew up completely." The first dog says, "Oh man you are getting neutered." The second dog says, "Oh no! This is terrible." Then says to the fir...

Elderly Woman and Her Cat

An elderly woman sitting on her porch, petting her beloved cat. A genie walks up her sidewalk. "Ma'am, you have lived a happy and simple life, I wish to grant you three wishes."

The woman smiles, "Oh, I have to think, well, I would like to be 18 again." The genie nods his head and she transf...

A lady is sitting in the vet waiting room with her German Shepherd...

The man sitting next to her says, "that's a beautiful dog you have there. Is he sick?"

The lady says, "No not really. It's just that every time I get down on all fours to clean my floor, he mounts me from behind and starts to hump me."

The man says, "Oh, so you're going to have him n...

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.

"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.

"Granted," the genie says as he disappears,...

An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic

And then poof , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .

The old lady said

- I want to be young and beautiful again

- I want to very rich

- my cat should become a handsome prince

Poof the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman finds a Genie lamp and brings it home...

She decides to polish it and rubs it with a cloth.

*POOF!* a Genie appears

Genie: "Thank you for freeing me, I grant you three wishes. What will they be?"

Old woman, shocked: "Eh...Um.. Err. I GOT IT! Make me a young and rich queen!"

Genie snaps his fingers and she turns...

Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower...

VET: Ok, so want him Neutered?
Woman: No, declawed.

Poor women

An elderly woman was cleaning out her attic one day. She come across an old lamp that she hadn't seen before. Start cleaning it to see what it is.
A genie pops out and says for setting me free I'm going to Grant you three wishes.
The woman thought about it for a while and said I have made my d...

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