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Puppies Jokes

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Make more puppies!

Little boy and dad are walking down the street. See 2 dogs fucking.
Kid: what's happening?
Dad: they are making puppies!

Later that night, kid can't sleep. Hears noises from parents' bed room, goes to investigate.

Dad is on top of mom, both naked, grunting.

Kid is shocke...

Having puppies

**Three dogs are at the vet's. Talking dog talk.**

Rover, "Why are you guys here?"

Sparky, "I been peeing all over the house. I'm going to get my nuts cut off." Ruff.

Barky, "I growl at everything. I'm going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff.

How about you Rover?"

Rover...

What do puppies and near sighted gynecologists have in common?

Wet noses.

Job pays in puppies

So I interviewed for a job the other day and, in negotiating salary, they said they pay in puppies instead of dollars. After considering their offer I came to the conclusion that it was income petable.

I love puppies...

But I could never eat a whole one.

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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

Jokes are like puppies.

If you have to pull them apart to see how they work, they’re not as fun.

I've named my puppies Timex and Rolex.

They're watch dogs!

What do DJs call their puppies?

Subwoofers

What do you call a bunch of dead puppies on the side of the road?

A LITTER

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My Son Kerry and Puppies

So I was walking down the street with my son kerry and we seen a couple of dogs having sex. My son being young and all says "dad what are they doing" I say "they making puppies son" "like that?" "yeah right from behind son. Anyway a few days later kerry walks in on me and the wife having sex and goe...

The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!”

Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

5 puppies were stolen from the pet store yesterday....

Police are warning people to look out for anyone selling hot dogs.

A dog gave birth to puppies on the side of the road

She was cited for littering

I love dalmatian puppies, but the only pups in my neighborhood are all white.

I spotted one this morning.

Saw two puppies fighting this morning...

Makes sense, their parents were boxers.

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Hush Puppies

I felt like getting some Hush Puppies, but wanted something a bit more intense, so I went to the biker bar and ordered some Shut the Fuck Up Puppies

True story: Kitty cat had PUPPIES!

Recently attended my great aunts funeral. This was a beautiful story that accompanied.




My great aunt ran a beauty shop. One day, while tending to a female client in the beauty shop, her female client's highly acclaimed husband sat in a chair as company.

One of my young cous...

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My mutt dog had 3 litters last year! First was 5 puppies. Then 7. Then 6. What am I going to do with 18 puppies?!

Sum of a bitch!

My dog made breakfast for me this morning

Pooched eggs and hush puppies.

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My dog is an asshole, and one of 12 puppies.

He’s the cunt of the litter

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What do you call the chances of finding a kitten among a litter of puppies?

The PUSSYbility

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

Did you guys hear about the labrador who left her puppies in the street?

She was fined for littering.

There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

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Men look at boobs for the same reason a little kid looks at puppies in a cage.

We both just want to set them free and play with them.

A man was arrested from leaving families of puppies in the street.

He was charged with littering

I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper

Please don’t ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*

A dog had three puppies: Mopsy, Topsy, and Spot. What was the mother's name.

'What'

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