UPJOKE
theaterauditoriumcinemafilmmovie projectormovie theatertheatrebox officepopcornmoviemovie housedocumentarybioscopemultiplexmovie screen

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck...

A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck. The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash. The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theatre. The man explains that the duck is his service pet. However, because he didn’t have his service pet ...

I just found out that the movie “Lincoln” made almost $300 million in movie theatres.

I was shocked. Historically Lincoln doesn’t do too well in theatres.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

So I was in the movie theatre...

and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.

A man walks into a movie theatre and sees a pig

Disgusted by the wild boar , the man asks : “why is there a pig in this movie theatre?”

The pig turns around- “I liked the book”

So a Movie Theatre was robbed

It was discovered that 5 bags of skittles, 10 snickers and 1 bag of Maltesers were stolen. The Theatre representative made a statement that they have lost over 4,500$ in stock was stolen.

Blond girl in the movie theatre.

The blond rushes to the counter,
Blond girl: " Can i get a ticket ?"
Cashier: " you just got one 2 minutes ago ? "
Blond girl: " Yea but the idiot in the door ripped it in two "


Badum tsh

A girl goes to a movie theatre…

…with her dog.
The movie didn’t have a happy ending and many people were crying at the end of the movie and her dog was crying as well. A lady sitting next to her saw the dog crying and said “That’s absolutely amazing. I can’t believe your dog is crying”

She responded: “I can’t believe e...

Joseph Stalin is in a movie theatre with his fellow party members attending a premiere of a Soviet comedy movie.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

The movie theatre down the road from my house was robbed of $50,000 last night

The newspaper said that the suspects escaped with 2 large bags of popcorn, 2 candy bars and a large soda

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the dyslexic employee at the concession stand at the movie theatre get arrested?

For bootlegging copporn !!!

At the library, I found a book called “How to enter a movie theatre without paying”.

The librarian then approached me and told me that the author recently made a second book.

“What was it called?” I asked.

“My 2 years in prison”

People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theatres

Let's just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Sex with me is like trying to find you’re seat in a crowded movie theatre.

There’s a lot of pushing, a few pained grunts, a shove or two, and somewhere from the darkness you hear the word “sorry...”.

Friend: Did you hear about the robbery at the movie theatre the other day?

Me: No, what?

Friend: Yeah, apparently they stole more than $1000 worth of stuff

Me: Oh my god, what stuff?

Friend: 5 cokes and 10 popcorns

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?

A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

Man in a movie theater

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if...

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pianist once played for a porn movie.

He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.

At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.


On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple ...

A Penguin Farmer Breaks Down

A penguin farmer breaks down on his way to take his penguins to the zoo. A man stops and asks if the farmer needs help. “Yes” he exclaims and offers the man some money to take his penguins to the zoo. The man agrees, hitches the trailer up to his truck, and takes the penguins into town. After about ...

How do you get rid of crabs?

You go to the movie theatre and feed them popcorn, when they get up to go get a sip of water you move seats.

Taking up Three Seats

An usher at a movie theatre notices a customer laying across three seats near the back of the theatre.

He tells the customer that he can only take up one seat.

The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.

The usher goes to get his supervisor who also tells the customer he must ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engineer in Hell

There was a engineer who went to heaven, but when he got to the gates, St. Peter told him that he wasn't on the list and sent him to Hell. Thinking he'd spend his whole eternal life in Hell, the engineer decided to try and make it a better place.

Seeing as Hell was really hot, the engineer bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Penguin Collector

So, there's this guy. This guy collects penguins. He doesn't collect penguin statues or toys or anything, he collects real, living penguins. Penguins of all sorts, Emperor Penguins, King Penguins, Little Penguins, African Penguins, all the penguins.

Now, these penguins live all over his hous...

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