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Distilled Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All my wife drinks is Alkaline Vapor Distilled Ionized Water.

She’s such a basic bitch.

A friend told me he started selling artisan home-distilled fermented grain mash on etsy...

I replied, "Sounds like a whiskey buisness."

I don't drink alcohol. I drink distilled spirits.

So I'm not an alcoholic. I'm spiritual.

I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner

It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.

I guess more just grain.

Fermented grain.

Distilled, fermented grain.

I had whisky for dinner tonight.

New perfume

A public relations professional walks into a bar and orders a glass of champagne. "What's new in your world?" the bartender asks. "We're holding a gala event to launch the newest perfume by Chanel. It's made exclusively from the purest, melted and distilled midwestern snowfall," she tells the barten...

A stranded man

Young man’s fishing boat is blown off course and he ends up stranded on a small island. He gets along OK but he’s very lonely. Then, one day, A yacht sinks off of his island. A young woman, the only survivor, swims ashore wearing a wetsuit. He greets her and she is surprised to find somebody else on...

A mom goes to the liquor store

I went to the liquor store to buy some specialty Spirits... it’s this distilled brandy that is spiced with cardamom....

Can you believe they carded me?

The clerk said he was required to always cardamom, no matter how old they look.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked...

MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

ME: -Tea pls.

MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.

MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?...

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