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Merci Jokes

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A king was feeling merciful one day.

He decides that his dungeons are getting full so he will grant freedom to some of the prisoners upon completing a simple task.

A few prisoners get the opportunity, and the king tells them to pick their favorite plant and come and see him.

An Irish man comes to him with a clover. "All y...

What did the Frenchman say when God gave him mercy?

Merci

I once thanked a French guy to death

It was a merci killing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to confession (NSFW)

Man: Forgive me farher for what I have sinned.


Father: What did you do my child?


Man: I went to my sister in law's home. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Father: Pray to god my son for he is merciful.


...

What’s the most merciful thing you can do for a vegetable?

Unplug it from life sustaining equipment.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman

were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to app...

An old buck rabbit and his son go hopping down to the field to graze, and the father notices the does are ready for mating.

So he says to his son, "Son, it's time you learned how this is done," and he hops onto the nearest doe and gets on with business, and when he's done he hops off again and says "*Merci, madame*!" and says to his son, "And you always say 'thank you' like a gentleman. Now I'll start this end of the lin...

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The 10 Commandments

So an Archangel comes from heaven to give humanity these nifty new commandments from God.

First he goes to the French and says:

"I have new Commandments from God, would you like to hear them?"

"Ah, oui? What do zey say?"

"For example: Thou shalt not commit adultery"
...

A Frenchman is trying to get information out of an American via electric shocks.

The American says "Please, mercy!"

The Frenchman responds with "Ok", and turns up the voltage.

French soldier

What does a sarcastic french soldier say to his captors once he's been captured?
..Merci

A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.

His mother says, “Merci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?”

The boy says, “No mommy, it’s nacho cheese.”

His mother says, “Are you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.”

“I know,” says the boy, “but when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, ‘Hey, that’s n...

What does a rude Frenchman and a ruthless Englishman have in common?

No Merci.

When I'm in France I don't say thank you to anyone

No merci

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A Holesome tale between 4 friends

4 men are playing golf together on a Sunday afternoon. One American, one French, one Spanish and one Japanese.

The French man goes first. He misses his first shot, but puts it in the second.

"Bon tir!" shouts the American.
"Merci!" comes the reply.

Next is the Spanish man. He...

What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is getting her home remodeled.

On the final day, she meets the designer on her front porch. He says, "Bonjour madam, are you ready to see your new home?"

They enter the house, and into the living room. It's stunning, but she's distracted by the coffee table.

"Everything is perfect," she says, "except for the c...

No wonder North Korea's so evil...

It's hard to be merciful if you have no Seoul

Moses ascends to the mountaintop...

Moses ascends to the mountain top. When he reaches its peak, the voice of God booms from the sky above:

“Moses!” It bellows, “This is the voice of God!”

“You’re God!?” Moses replies, awestruck.

“Yes, it is I, The one true God!”

“I don’t believe it! You’re really God!”
...

Who's your daddy?

A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee

It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked

"I have no job" he replied

"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.

The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.
The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hi...

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