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Meds Jokes

I don’t think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

Why did the mexican start taking anti anxiety meds?

He was taking them for hispanic attacks

I accidentally took my cat's meds last night

Don't ask meow

Meds

To the person who stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now.

You be claimin that pain meds don't work

but Ibuprofen you wrong

I thought my new ADHD meds would help my drinking and it works.

Instead of a half dozen glasses of bourbon with only a sip or two drunk from them, I actually finish them all.

I’ve been off my OCD meds for more almost a year now

(Or 11 months, 12 days, 3 hours and 7 minutes to be exact)

Police say a Maryland man stole $369 worth of erectile dysfunction and insomnia meds from a pharmacy

Apparently he wanted to stay up but not stay up.

I guess it's time for you to take your meds

Because this post is going viral

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes don’t fit anymore.

I don't mind being back on my meds...

I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me.

Here’s a really easy way to figure out if you’re taking too many meds:

You refer to your medication as ‘meds’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a pharmacy and orders a box of Viagra

The pharmacist asks for about 10€ and gives him the meds. He opens the box, takes one, and pulls out a 500€ note to pay. The pharmacist doesn't have enough change to give him, so he offers to go to the bakery next door to get some bread and try to get the money changed and swiftly comeback.

I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross anxiety meds with an ancient shark and a penis?

A Mogolodong.

Why did Bill Clinton say NO to testosterone meds?

He was afraid of ending up like Hillary.

My son, who has ADHD, has been taking meds to help him run faster.

He's now AD480p.

My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub.

That made for a really weird 27th Birthday.

A communist Jew, an old hag who tries to be hip, a manic reality tv star, a bible thumper, a robot and an old man from Ohio who forgot to take his meds walk into a bar....

Pick one to be your next president

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

A joke my dog told me this morning

What happens when you stop taking your meds?
Your dog starts talking to you.

*TRUE* I Went to the Pot Store Today

I'm waiting to go back into the meds area and a guy comes walking in with his 10 year old son. The kid looks around and sniffs, "gosh, Dad. It smells just like our house here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have the best way to deal with my gf

When she starts bitching about shit, I just take my schizophrenia meds and she straight up leaves me alone for a full day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like my CVS receipt...

...full of STD meds.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take meds on an empty stomach!

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).

I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer goes to the doctor

"Doctor", he says, "I have a weird itch on my head".

The doc examined the man, and says: "Ah, I see what you have, and I have the solution. Take one of these pills a day, in the anus."

The man comes home and yells to his wife: "Mary, do we have an anus?"
"No," she responds, "we onl...

Why can’t you poison a frog?

Because they are an anti**toad**

Ps. I’m on very strong meds and thought this was worth sharing

Hard to swallow

My friend says to me "I'm sick but I'm having a tough time keeping my medicine in me".
"Why don't you try taking it with food like soup or a banana?" I suggest.
A few days later I see him and he's looking a lot better.
"I tried taking my meds with a banana like you said and it worked!...

I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl.

But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.

I've spotted six Pokémon today

but I don't have the game so I may need new meds...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Halloween joke

A young man in the hospital is smitten with his night nurse, She feels good about him too.
The pain meds he’s on have constipated him and neither want to discuss it. She decides to slip him a laxative to “help” .Just before she’s going to arrive for a visit, he has an accident in the bed, there’...

Sometimes, I think I'm the only member of my family not doped up on prescription drugs all the time.

Then I usually take my amnesiac meds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has a farting problem,she farts a lot,she went to see a doctor

A woman has a farting problem,she farts a lot,she went to see a doctor,when it was her turn she entered.

The doctor: Hello,is everything okay,what's the problem?

The woman: you see doc,my problem is that i fart a lot,but the good thing is my farts have no smell, and my evidence is si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

An older woman goes to the doctor

A 70 year old woman goes to the doctor and says: 'I'm having a very embarrassing problem doctor, I'm farting all day long, but I'm in luck the farts don't smell and you can barely hear them.'
The doctor prescribes her some pills, whereof everyday she has to take 2.

After 2 weeks the woman...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 old ladies at a nursing home

There's two older ladies sitting on a park bench outside their nursing home chatting it up and having a few cigarettes when it suddenly starts to rain.

One of the ladies is moving around her umbrella and trying to hold up her coat to keep her cigarette from getting wet but it's not working to...

Google Pizza

Man: Hello! Gusto Pizza?

Phone: No sir it's Google pizza.

M: Oh sorry, wrong number

P: Sir, Google bought Gusto

M: Oh, may I order?

P: Would you like your usual?

M: My usual? You know my usual?

P: According to our caller ID, your last 10 orders were f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

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