Accidentally took my cats meds

Don't ask meow

My girlfriend dared me to take schizophrenia meds.

Now she's gone missing.

I don’t think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

I asked my wife if she felt my erectile dysfunction has improved since I got on meds…

She said I’ve got room to grow.

Meds

To the person who stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now.

i went to go tell my best friend about the new schizophrenia meds i got today...

i literally cannot find him anywhere.

I’ve been off my OCD meds for more almost a year now

(Or 11 months, 12 days, 3 hours and 7 minutes to be exact)

I guess it's time for you to take your meds

Because this post is going viral

To whoever stole my adhd meds

SQUIRELL!

Here’s a really easy way to figure out if you’re taking too many meds:

You refer to your medication as ‘meds’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross anxiety meds with an ancient shark and a penis?

A Mogolodong.

A communist Jew, an old hag who tries to be hip, a manic reality tv star, a bible thumper, a robot and an old man from Ohio who forgot to take his meds walk into a bar....

Pick one to be your next president

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes don’t fit anymore.

I don't mind being back on my meds...

I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub.

That made for a really weird 27th Birthday.

My son, who has ADHD, has been taking meds to help him run faster.

He's now AD480p.

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).

I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”

Why did Bill Clinton say NO to testosterone meds?

He was afraid of ending up like Hillary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have the best way to deal with my gf

When she starts bitching about shit, I just take my schizophrenia meds and she straight up leaves me alone for a full day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Halloween joke

A young man in the hospital is smitten with his night nurse, She feels good about him too.
The pain meds he’s on have constipated him and neither want to discuss it. She decides to slip him a laxative to “help” .Just before she’s going to arrive for a visit, he has an accident in the bed, there’...

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take meds on an empty stomach!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like my CVS receipt...

...full of STD meds.

Hard to swallow

My friend says to me "I'm sick but I'm having a tough time keeping my medicine in me".
"Why don't you try taking it with food like soup or a banana?" I suggest.
A few days later I see him and he's looking a lot better.
"I tried taking my meds with a banana like you said and it worked!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has a farting problem,she farts a lot,she went to see a doctor

A woman has a farting problem,she farts a lot,she went to see a doctor,when it was her turn she entered.

The doctor: Hello,is everything okay,what's the problem?

The woman: you see doc,my problem is that i fart a lot,but the good thing is my farts have no smell, and my evidence is si...

Why can’t you poison a frog?

Because they are an anti**toad**

Ps. I’m on very strong meds and thought this was worth sharing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 old ladies at a nursing home

There's two older ladies sitting on a park bench outside their nursing home chatting it up and having a few cigarettes when it suddenly starts to rain.

One of the ladies is moving around her umbrella and trying to hold up her coat to keep her cigarette from getting wet but it's not working to...

I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl.

But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.

Google Pizza

Man: Hello! Gusto Pizza?

Phone: No sir it's Google pizza.

M: Oh sorry, wrong number

P: Sir, Google bought Gusto

M: Oh, may I order?

P: Would you like your usual?

M: My usual? You know my usual?

P: According to our caller ID, your last 10 orders were f...

I've spotted six Pokémon today

but I don't have the game so I may need new meds...

An older woman goes to the doctor

A 70 year old woman goes to the doctor and says: 'I'm having a very embarrassing problem doctor, I'm farting all day long, but I'm in luck the farts don't smell and you can barely hear them.'
The doctor prescribes her some pills, whereof everyday she has to take 2.

After 2 weeks the woman...

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