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Liars Jokes

What is the most common digestive issue among pathological liars?

IBS!!

Why are skeletons such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.

Liars are just like atoms

They make everything up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two liars went for a swim.

Now these two were a dad and his son. The dad climbed a boulder and proceeded to dive into the water. He got his foot stuck between some rocks and struggled to release his feet for around 2 minutes before swimming back to the surface.

Son: You were under for quite a while there. What happene...

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I told this girl I have a huge dick and she said I don’t like big dick.

So I said, Do you like liars?

I'm no Trumper but these so called "health experts" are liars!

They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store!!

When I got there, everyone else also had clothes on :/

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two types of people in this world: those that pee in the shower

And fucking liars.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes.

Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.

I can't believe I only joined Liars Anonymous this morning..

And they've already made me president.

Reposters are the opposite of liars

Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.

Three liars were together talking

The first one said, "I once was in the woods, and 4 lions came to me, and I had one gun, one bullet and one steal plate, so I tossed the plate in the air, shot the plate, broke it into 4 pieces and each peace killed a lion and they died"

The second one said, "Me too, but there was only 2 lio...

Liars

A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, “Next Sunday, I’m going to preach on the subject of Liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17.”

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, “Last week I ...

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There are two kinds of liars when it comes to masturbation......

The ones that say they’ve never done it and the ones that say they’ve stopped.

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60% of people are liars and 90% of people pull numbers from their ass

This is 100% true

A man buys a robot that slaps liars

He puts it on the dinner table, and explains what it is. He then asks his son where he was today when he should have been at school.

"I was at school!" The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the cinema."

"Who were you with and what did you watch?" The father asks.

"I was with...

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A bus full of politicians crashes in a deserted area

there was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goesto take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. 30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?" The farmer says "Don't wor...

What happens to liars when they die?

They lie still

I suffer from a heart disease that only afflicts liars.

IFib

A child asked his father "Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?"

The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."

Rio is full of liars, cheaters, thieves, and drug abusers.

And that's just the athletes.

Liars tend not make eye contact,

which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new study has shown 85% of men masturbate daily.

Coincidentally, the same study showed that 15% of men are pathological liars.

My girlfriend said I'm nothing but a bare-faced liar

So I've grown a beard.

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