Leper Jokes

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip!

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Did you hear about the Leper going for the masturbation world record?

Eventually he pulled it off!

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Why shouldn’t you piss off a leper?

‘Cause if he gives you the finger, you’re gonna end up keeping it.

Did you hear about the luxury resort leper colony?

Apparently it costs an arm and a leg to go there.

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What did the leper look for in a woman?

His penis

Where can a leper find his feet?

Where he left them.

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.

Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.

Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.

(I us...

Three lepers were playing cards...

One threw his whole hand in, the second cried his eyes out and the third laughed his head off

A leper goes into a diner...

This one time a Leper goes into a diner and settles in a seat at the counter, orders his food and coffee and waits. It's a busy morning so the counter is pretty full of customers.

After his food comes, the leper proceeds to eat, but notices the man to his right look towards him and then retch...

If The Three Bear's nemesis hired a leper to stand in, what would you you have?

Poxy proxy Goldilocksie

Why was the leper caught speeding?

Because he couldn't take his foot off the accelerator.

It's hard to tell jokes about lepers

They always seem to fall apart at the end.

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

Why was the leper baseball match cancelled?

People started throwing hands

The leper failed his driving test.

He left his foot on the clutch.

What does a leper say to pick a fight?

You wanna piece of me?!

Why don't lepers use the Internet?

Because they're digitally challenged.

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Yesterday I told a leper a joke.

He laughed his ass off.

The leper was upset at the expensive ambulance ride to the hospital

It cost him an arm and a leg

What do you call a jumping leper?

A leaper.

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Leper and a prostitute

After the sex the leper gives the prostitute the money and says

keep the tip.

\- not sure if anyone posted this before, new to this sub

How do you get a Leper out of a bath?

With a sieve

What did one leper say to the other?

Nothing because the cat got her tongue.

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Never accept fellatio from a leper.

When they say they're going to give you head, they mean it literally.

What's a leper's favorite musical?

Footloose.

Never play poker with lepers.

They always throw their hands in.

What's the difference between a leper and a leopard?

A leopard can hang on to a limb.

A leper walks into a bar & tells the bartender...

A leper walks into a bar & tells the bartender "I know I'm disgusting looking but If you could please serve me a scotch I'd be grateful, I'll leave if I'm too much to stomach." Bartender says "No problem, as long as your paying I'll pour."

So the bartender pours the leper a drink & th...

A pothead and a leper are in jail

and suddenly lepers' right foot starts to itch. He scratches it against the wall and it falls off. He takes it and tosses it through their cell window.

The pothead is looking at the leper and lights up a joint.

Suddenly lepers' left foot starts to itch. He scratches it against ...

Ancient Chinese proverb:

Waitress who sit on lepers lap, always keep tip.

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Why was the Rentboy so angry at the Leper?

He left him a shitty tip.

Did you hear about the leper who tried out for American college football team?

Started as a fullback, then was a halfback and ended up a quarterback.

A Leper Walks Into A Bar

A leper walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives it to him, then immediately turns around and throws up. The leper, being a leper, was used to this kind of thing, and didn't think much of it.

The leper finishes his beer and orders another one. The bartender gives it to him, the...

2 lepers playing poker...

1 throws his hand in, the other laughs his head off.

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off.

This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What do you call an epileptic leper taking a bath?

Porridge.

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Stu

I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a leper colony.

My jokes have them all cracking up.

Lepers are the kindest human beings

You ask them for a hand, they'll give you the whole arm...

Never make plans with a leper...

They always flake.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew.

Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

What do you call one of the Irish wee folk with a bad skin disease?

A Leper-chaun

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