What's the difference between a cop and a hermit crab?

A cop ejects shells much more often

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.

What do hermit crabs say when they answer the phone?

Shello

What does a hermit crab call its home?

Michelle

A traveler meets a blind hermit

Who tells him:"There's a clear distinction between us, young man", to which the traveler responds thoughtful: I see.. "

The wise hermit

A traveler made a long, arduous journey to find a hermit who was reputed to be wise.  After searching the wilderness for many weeks, he finally found the old man in his hideaway.  "Tell me about life," said the traveler.  "Well," said the hermit, "life is like a fish."

The traveler thought on...

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A hermit crab decided to move into a lovely new home in a swanky neighbourhood.

He really had to shell out for that place.

A young Indian hermit wanted an audience with god..

So, he gave up all his worldly possessions and left society to pray in the woods, he prayed for everyday, then after many many years god appears before him. God: I'm pleased by your dedication, you may ask for anything and I'll grant your wish. Hermit: Okay, but what took you so long...

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

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Hans has a small Dick

(Long)

Hans lived in a small town and has a small dick. Everyone knew about it, the girls snickered behind his back, the guys used to tease him endlessly. He tried all the remedies to make his dick big and failed.

Dejected, he visited his local night club one day and saw his friend Pet...

One day a hermit comes down from the mountains and into town.

He goes into the saloon and has a drink. He says to the bartender, "are there any women around here?". The bartender tells him "no, but there's old joe out back". The hermit says no thanks I don't go for that stuff, finishes his drink and heads back up into the mountains. Six months later he comes b...

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

A long time ago, there was a hermit preist who accepted guests for only one day, every ten years...

The hermit was the holiest of men and it was a great honor to be invited to his home, so the town would select their best citizen to go. The citizen could also bring a guest.

The good citizen, who was selected, knew the town Drunk. He wanted to save the man or at least teach him humility. So ...

What do you call a hermit stuck in debt?

Forever alone.

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The Hermit

A man had a tiny penis. He went to doctors,surgeons, faith healers , witch doctors etc to try and get it larger.
All their knowledge was in vain as they could do nothing about it.
A relative of his who saw this, told him about a hermit who lived on the peak of the Himalayas who had been know...

What kind of pictures does Shaun Connery take?

Shelfies






alt. What kind of pictures do fish take?


Shellfies





alt. What do hermit crabs call their utility bills?


Shell Fees






alt. Why did my wife leave me?


I cheated on her


alt. ...

A man lost everything in his life...

he just lost his work, his house, his car, and the wife left with the kids. All that is left is $50 from his pocket. Lost and wandering around, he stumbled upon an old hermit. The hermit asked him what was wrong and he told his story. The hermit offered him a book, told him its the "Book of Secrets"...

You can always take Terrence.

The hermit goes into the bar, throws his money on to the counter and says to the bartender.
- Give me a glass of whisky, a fine cigar and a beautiful woman.
The bartender answers:
- I can give you the whisky and the cigar, but sadly we don't have women here. If you really want, there is Ter...

A man goes to find a Holy Knight of Trigonometry

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano tha...

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