Man calls home on the landline and the butler picks up the phone

Man: Hand over the phone to my wife.

Butler: But she is in the bedroom with sir.

Man: But I am here. Who is she with? I am sure she is cheating on me.

Listen. I’ll pay you $20000. Go and kill both of them right now.

Butler: Ok. Hang on.

After 2 minutes.
...

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Customs Inspection

At an airport, the customs officer finds a dildo in a lady’s handbag and asks,
“Are you married?”.
“Yes”, replies the lady.
“Then why this?” asks the officer.
“Do you have a landline phone at home?” asks the lady.
“Yes” replies the officer.
“Then why do you carry a mobile?”

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW I DEALT WITH A TELESALES CALL!

How I dealt with a telesales call recently. My landline rings with caller display showing 0800. as soon as I pick the phone up and before they speak,

"This is a secured government line, how have you got this number? Do not attempt to hang up and stay at your station while the call is traced. ...

A man was driving a rental car along a old mountain road in Eastern Europe at night when he started having engine problems

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver...

"Where are you?"

"I'm in between the kitchen and drawing-room."

"Can't you just say you're in your home?"

"Then why did you call my landline."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer gets his first visitor in his new law firm.

To give the visitor an image that he is an impressive lawyer, he picked up his landline phone, pressed a few buttons and said into it, "Yes, Mr. Jones, I get the impression that you are desperate to get your house back, so can we set up an appointment tomorrow to discuss the formalities? …How about ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication

with a small twin engine aircraft.A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cell phone.

He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his...

A well-dressed city slicker breaks down on a country road...

His cellphone is dead, but a kindly farmer tells him he can use the landline in his farmhouse, a few hundred yards back from the road.

The traveller strides hurriedly across the farmer's field in advance of the farmer, but hesitates as he draws near a broad body of water, and turns back to lo...

The Viper

A young woman lived alone in an apartment on the top floor of her building. One day, she got a phonecall on her landline from a number she didn't know. She answered it. "Hello?"
"Hello. I am the Viper. And I am coming to your apartment soon." Then the person hung up.
The woman didn't know ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Save Money on phone sex lines

...by texting filth to your landline and have the BT woman read it to you at a fraction of the cost.

Look at this wire! Is has so obviously been tapped!

Sorry Mr President, we call that a landline sir.

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