I asked my dad if he could buy unlimited texting for my phone.

He told me "No, it's too expensive."

So I replied "It's not about money, it's about sending a message."

This idiot beside me was texting and driving on the expressway

How irresponsible and dangerous. I was so mad I put my window down and threw my beer at him.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Me texting that girl that i like

Me: nose

Crush: what?

Me: i used my nose to type *nose*

Crush: haha

Crush: penis

What does a tree say when texting?

I.M. Groot

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

If I see one more asshole texting and driving...

I’m going to roll my window down and throw my beer at them.

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

Middle age texting

The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

She texted:

If you are sleeping, sen...

I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

After sexy time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"

He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."

TEXTING for over 70s,The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more mature...

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving.

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving. Doesn't she realize how dangerous that is? She had no concern for all the people she was on the road with. I thought of all the other motorist that she was putting in danger with her reckless behavior and this pissed me off. So I rolled down my windo...

Two exes are texting..

Male Ex: Just ate a fish taco; it reminded me of you.

Female Ex: What a coincidence, because I ordered a pizza and it came in 20 seconds. It reminded me of you.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My boyfriend is used to having sex while i'm texting my phone

I don't like that very much and i wonder if anyone knows how to stoajqiwmxnejerbvplkozxbv

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold...

I nodded knowingly. β€œIt’s the early signs of typothermia.”

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Hey dumbass, stop texting my girlfriend. Do you want some problems?

"Hey dumbass, stop texting my girlfriend. Do you want some problems?"

"What if I do?"

"Ok, take note: If a train is traveling at 72 km/h on a road of 360 km, how much time will it take to arrive?"

"Damn you, man. I'll live her alone, just calm down."

"That's better, assho...

Real Middle-aged Texting.

Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"

Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"

Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."

Woman: "Mine parents shal...

Why did the chicken cross only half of the road?

Because I was busy texting.

I get so mad every time I see someone texting and driving

One of these days I'm going to throw my beer at their car!

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