Texting Jokes - 20 Hilarious Texting Jokes

Middle age texting

The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

She texted:

If you are sleeping, sen...

I saw a lady texting and driving today

I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.

This idiot beside me was texting and driving on the expressway

How irresponsible and dangerous. I was so mad I put my window down and threw my beer at him.

I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I see one more asshole texting and driving...

I’m going to roll my window down and throw my beer at them.

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

Two people texting

Person 1: I dont like my life, I'm gonna do it

Person 2: don't

Person 1: don't try to stop me

Person 2: I wasn't, I was correcting your spelling

I got pulled over for texting while driving

Officer: Sir, you know you're not supposed to be using your phone while driving, don't you?

Me: Well officer, I guess we all make mistakes when we've been drinking.

I asked my dad if he could buy unlimited texting for my phone.

He told me "No, it's too expensive."

So I replied "It's not about money, it's about sending a message."

Two exes are texting..

Male Ex: Just ate a fish taco; it reminded me of you.

Female Ex: What a coincidence, because I ordered a pizza and it came in 20 seconds. It reminded me of you.

I’m worried my teenage daughter and her friends are planning to start an escort service.

At least they chose a clever name. For the past few weeks they’ve been texting non-stop about Ho Co.

Real Middle-aged Texting.

Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"

Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"

Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."

Woman: "Mine parents shal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After sexy time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"

He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving.

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving. Doesn't she realize how dangerous that is? She had no concern for all the people she was on the road with. I thought of all the other motorist that she was putting in danger with her reckless behavior and this pissed me off. So I rolled down my windo...

This girl I was texting said, "Come over, there's nobody home..."

I came over. There was nobody home.

Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous

You're practically begging for typos.

I get so mad every time I see someone texting and driving

One of these days I'm going to throw my beer at their car!

Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ...

- How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!!

I have been texting this girl and she just dropped the news that shes a vegetarian.

Bummer. I didn't even get to meat her.

I almost got into an accident with someone who was texting and driving...

luckily I braked just in time or else I would've spilt my beer.

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