Texting Jokes - 20 Hilarious Texting Jokes

Middle age texting

The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

She texted:

If you are sleeping, sen...

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I saw a lady texting and driving today

I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.

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This idiot beside me was texting and driving on the expressway

How irresponsible and dangerous. I was so mad I put my window down and threw my beer at him.

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I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I see one more asshole texting and driving...

I’m going to roll my window down and throw my beer at them.

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

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Two people texting

Person 1: I dont like my life, I'm gonna do it

Person 2: don't

Person 1: don't try to stop me

Person 2: I wasn't, I was correcting your spelling

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I got pulled over for texting while driving

Officer: Sir, you know you're not supposed to be using your phone while driving, don't you?

Me: Well officer, I guess we all make mistakes when we've been drinking.

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I asked my dad if he could buy unlimited texting for my phone.

He told me "No, it's too expensive."

So I replied "It's not about money, it's about sending a message."

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Two exes are texting..

Male Ex: Just ate a fish taco; it reminded me of you.

Female Ex: What a coincidence, because I ordered a pizza and it came in 20 seconds. It reminded me of you.

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I’m worried my teenage daughter and her friends are planning to start an escort service.

At least they chose a clever name. For the past few weeks they’ve been texting non-stop about Ho Co.

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Real Middle-aged Texting.

Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"

Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"

Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."

Woman: "Mine parents shal...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After sexy time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"

He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving.

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving. Doesn't she realize how dangerous that is? She had no concern for all the people she was on the road with. I thought of all the other motorist that she was putting in danger with her reckless behavior and this pissed me off. So I rolled down my windo...

This girl I was texting said, "Come over, there's nobody home..."

I came over. There was nobody home.

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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous

You're practically begging for typos.

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I get so mad every time I see someone texting and driving

One of these days I'm going to throw my beer at their car!

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Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ...

- How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!!

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I have been texting this girl and she just dropped the news that shes a vegetarian.

Bummer. I didn't even get to meat her.

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I almost got into an accident with someone who was texting and driving...

luckily I braked just in time or else I would've spilt my beer.

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