If you're ever locked out of your house, start talking to your lock, calmly and clearly.

After all, a good communication is the key!

Who do Canadians call when they get locked out of their car?

Triple Eh!

A soldier finds a woman locked out of her car

A soldier finds a woman at the side of the road crying, and she tells him she’s left her keys in her car. The soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.


Why was the chef locked out of his kitchen?

Because he had gnocchi.

What pasta is always getting locked out of its house?


Got locked out of my house on Hoth and had to sleep with my Tauntaun...

...was actually pretty comfy, my only complaint was that he was luke-warm.

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

I got locked out of my car outside an abortion clinic.

It was VERY awkward to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

Two blondes are locked out of their car...

The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first?

Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.

I got locked out of my fireplace

..after 3 failed logins

Which Nationality always gets locked out of their house?

Italians because they always have gnocchis.

Have you heard the one about the guy that got locked out of his house after having Italian for dinner?

He had gnocchi...

Credit: twitter user @Mostly_Cheese

Why does Yasuo never get locked out?

Because he always "hasaki!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me to get dick pills

She told me to get those pills that make your dick standup.

Man was she surprised when I came back from the pharmacy with diet pills

Pls help, I'm locked out of my house

Followed the instructions for my password but they didn’t work

It said, “Type Password”

So I entered, “Password”

Then it told me, “Your Password is Incorrect”

So I entered, “Incorrect”

To which it said, “Try Again”

So I typed, “Again”

But now for some reason I can’t do anything because it thinks my account name is “Lock...

They say confidence is key...

... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde's year in review.


Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!


Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 m...

They say that happiness is the key to everything...

So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock

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