Late at night I jabbed my wife in the dark and said, " You're it."

I nearly fell out of bed when I woke up next to a scary clown in the morning.

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jabbed her in the rear...

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school(church school). Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and...

A man was sent to Hell for his sins...

As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman.
"What's the deal???" he said. "I have to roast in flames for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with that beautiful woman!"
Satan jabbed the man with his pitchfork a...

A man falls asleep at church.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I...

I don't know why employers don't like neck tattoos

It shows you can sit in one spot for hours while tiny needles are jabbed into your skin, which is what every meeting I've ever been in feels like.

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One day, little Susie was sitting in Sunday School

Susie was a good kid who liked to pay attention in here sunday school bible classes. The only problem was the she sat in front of the class delinquent, Joe. While the teacher was teaching, she decided to ask the class a question to make sure all the kids were paying attention.


"So class, ...

Little Johnny and little Susie were in Sunday school.

Johnny, thinking he was being funny, kept poking Susie in the back with a pencil.

Up front, the teacher was asking some questions, "What did lucifer say after falling from heaven?" She asked. Just then Johnny jabbed Susie with the pencil.

"Cut it out." She hissed over her shoulder....

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One day, legendary fencing master Maximilian Lee is looking for a new challenger

After decades dedicating himself to his art, he finds there is no one worthy of fighting anymore. He travels to the farest corners of the world looking to reinvigorate his love of the blade.

He travels to France and challenges their most skilled and famous fighter, but to his disappointment,...

A tribal man

A tribal man stumbled upon a bunch of black rocks. Upon closer inspection, he realizes that these aren’t just normal rocks, but instead magic rocks. The magic rocks awoke and said to him,

“You have found the magic coals of ancient times. We will give you great power, but if we are harmed in ...

Curiosity

I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out ...

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A rock band is touring through the Middle East.

One day they are caught having sex with teenage fans. As punishment they each have a wooden skewer jabbed into their pee holes.
They are now known as Third Eye Blind.

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Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

A brunette at the doctor's.

A youthful brunette visits his doctor and reports that his body hurt wherever he touched it.

"Impossible," the skeptic doctor mumbled, "show me."

The brunette took his finger, it on his left shoulder and screamed. He then jabbed at his knees, and let out another cry, then his an...

I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work

And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".

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Private Snafu joins the army.

Always last in line for mess, roll or runs, he was also last in line when they passed out equipment. When he gets to the guy handing out guns, the box is empty.
"What the hell am I supposed to do without a gun?!" Snafu asks.
The warren officer thinks for a second. Picking up a mop, he begins ...

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The first Wednesday of every month God and St. Peter meet to discuss the operations and logistics of Heaven...

...and, as usual, everything is great and fine; but they both notice that Heaven is starting to get a tad overcrowded. So, they both agree that from now on, not only do you have to be a good person when you die, you must also have had a bad day the day you died.

The next day, St. Peter takes...

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