A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.

He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".

They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.

The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.

"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"

2 minutes later, p...

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Us men can be great at multi-tasking too!

Ever tried jerking off, watching porn and keeping an eye on the door for intruders at the same time?

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Certain japanse buildings had creaking floorboards which would alarm the guards if there were intruders.

That seems like a sound strategy to me.

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Three men get lost in the woods...

As they search for a path out together they accidentally stumble into the part of the woods ruled by fairies. The fairy King is not impressed with intruders and orders them executed. They beg for their lives and the King decides they shall complete a two part challenge to be shown the way out.
<...

I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder

So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people

Do you have a phobia of intruders sneaking into your home?

You're not alone.

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Male gunowners are, in fact, compensating for their manhood.

You can't kill a deer or repel intruders with your dick.

Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, and George W. Bush die and end up at heaven's gate...

Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. "Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"

Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen b...

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"...

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Three missionaries are captured in the Amazon

Three explorers are captured by a remote tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and danc...

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A chaste wife went to a pet store...

... to buy her husband a pet for their anniversary. All of the pedigree animals were too expensive and she began to pout, visibly. One of the store's tellers asked what was wrong and she explained her circumstances.

β€œWell... we have a specially trained frog for $24.99”, he said.

She ex...

At the funeral of Hector Dewey

At the funeral of Hector Dewey, an insanely rich man, hundreds of people showed up, enjoying the cake and everything laid out there, a large number of them pretending to be family.

Hector's second-eldest son, Jeffrey, notices a lot of unfamiliar faces. He goes up his older brother, Dwight, th...

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Death or Ugabuga?

Two men are washed away on an island after their plane has crashed. After a few days of surviving on this island, they encounter a native tribe. The island is the home of this tribe, and they do not like trespassers or intruders so they take the two men back to see the chief.

The two men are...

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