UPJOKE

A 6 Jokes

What's a 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 6 year old boy visits the zoo with his parents…

…where they stop to see the elephant. While the father’s in the restroom, the son notices one elephant has a rather large erection. Curious, he gets his mom’s attention.

“Mommy, what’s that hanging from the elephant?” “Oh, that’s its trunk honey.” “No, further back!” “Ah, you mean its tail!” ...

A 5-sided figure is a pentagon, and a 6-sided figure is a hexagon. What shall we call a 2-sided figure?

Let's just let bigons be bigons.

As a 6.2 person alot of people wouldask "wow! Your tall! Do you play basketball?"

At some point I started to reply "wow... your short, do you play miniature golf?"

What do you call a yeti with a 6 pack?

The abdominal snowman

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 6 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell & you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
...

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you ...

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There was a 6 year old and a 4 year old brother. It was the 6 year olds birthday that day. They wake up in the morning and...

The 6 year old says to his younger brother “Hey, I think today is the day we start using swear words around Mom. After all I’m 6 now.”

The younger brother starts getting excited and says, “Ok! What swear words should we use?!”

The older brother replies with, “I’m going to say hell, and...

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wing...

I'll take a 6 inch Meatball marinara on Italian herbs and cheese please

Actually, make it a 6 inch Spicy Italian on Herbs and cheese.

[EDIT] Sorry, wrong sub

Why is Jesus always shown with a 6 pack of abs?

Because he's cross fit.

I bought myself a 6 ft boomerang with Lord of the Rings characters on it.

It’s really hard to Frodo

(*LONG*) A 6 year old girl wouldn’t stop sucking her thumb, much to the chagrin of her mother.

After trying everything she could think of, the mother, in a moment of exasperation, finally told her: “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, you’re going to blow up like a balloon!!”

Somehow this scared her daughter enough that she stopped sucking her thumb.

Several weeks later, they...

A 6 story building is on fire

Fireman 1: Your turn to choose… you want the ladder or the stairs?

Fireman 2: Ok, I’ll take the latter

Fireman 1: Ok, I’ll take the ladder

A 6-year-old walks into a bar...

The bartender tells says they don't serve minors as all they have are hard liquors. The child says he wants two whiskies then a malt. The bartender says that he needs to see ID. The child shows an ID from another country, claiming he is 95 years old. The bartender gives the child the ID back and ask...

My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

There was a 6 year old boy named Little Johnny

Johnny loved baseball and always had his ball and glove with him, but today he is hiding in his parents closet. From his vantage point, he could see his mother rolling around on her bed with the strange man who came over when his dad went to work.

Suddenly, he heard the front door open and hi...

25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack

Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.

I need a 6 month holiday.

Twice a year ..

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Did you know the average blue whale has a 6 foot long penis and can produce more than 20 pounds of semen?

Turns out KFC isn’t the only animal that comes in buckets.

Who were the first people in Australia to have a 6 pack?

The Aboriginals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You may be a 6 in looks and a 7 in bed, but when it comes to piss play, baby...

Urinate.

What rock is a 6.9 on the Mohs Hardness Scale?

Gneiss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Forgot the tree this year, so I'm putting up a 6 foot, tinsel covered Tampon.

Just for the festive period.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player, the fella on your right is 6’5” pushing 300 and...

TIFU by ordering a 6-inch sandwich instead of a footlong.

Whoops, wrong sub.

On the scale of attractiveness from 1 to 10 I’m a 6 at Trader Joe’s.

But I’m a strong 8 at Walmart.

I just ended a 6 year relationship

Poor kid is going to grow up without his mom.

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A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other.

The Bardtender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?'

The blonde says "I definitely do, after what just happened to me."

The bartender says "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

The blonde says, "Well, my boyfriend and I were just about to make love, when out of nowhere...

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A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'

She replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what?............

'A Rectum Stretcher!'

'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inse...

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What do you call a 6 year old that can run faster than me?

A virgin

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