UPJOKE
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Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

A brunette woman was walking along a set of railroad tracks, repeating to herself, "42, 42, 42. 42, 42, 42."

A blonde woman saw the brunette and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm just walking along a railroad track and saying 42, 42, 42," replied the brunette.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure."

So the two women walked along the track repeating, "42, 42, 42. 42, 42, 42."

Another bl...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...

..are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the French...

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, owned a cattle ranch,

Unfortunately, their bull died. They needed to purchase a new one, but they only had $500. The brunette said she'd go to the nearest town to see if she could buy a bull for less than $500. She told her sister that if she could find one, she'd send a telegram to tell her to come in the truck to pick ...

There was a blonde, redhead & brunette…

They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

Blonde, brunette, and redhead in an OBGYN office...

The brunette says her kid will be a priest, because she likes missionary position.

The redhead says her kid will be a construction worker, because she likes it piledriver style.

The blonde bursts into tears, and cries "Oh no, I'm having puppies!"

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes,

charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anyth...

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street

The brunette looked in the window of a flower shop and said
"Oh no, it's my boyfriend and he's buying me flowers again for no reason."

The blonde said "Don't you like to get flowers?"

The brunette said "It's not that. It's just that every time he gives them to me he expects somethi...

Three women are trapped on a deserted island

Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a deserted island, but can see in the distance land with obvious signs of civilization.

On the first day the brunette decides to swim to the next shore, she makes it about 1/4 of the way before she realizes she can't make it and...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you w...

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Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

A blonde and a brunette are watching the evening news...

When a story comes on with a video of a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The brunette says, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The blonde replies, "I'll take that action!"

After watching for 5 minutes or so the man jumps from the bridge and the blonde reluctantly gives $20 to the brune...

A brunette and her blonde sister live in the rural Southwest US, having inherited their family ranch.

The Great Depression hit them hard, and they only have $600 left.



Fearing that their ranch would be repossessed, the brunette goes to buy a bull so they can breed their own stock. She tells her sister "I'll come and contact you when I make the purchase", and promptly departs.

<...

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

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A no arm no leg guy is tanning in the beach....

When three hot babes walk by. The bosomy blonde walks up to him and ask " You poor man, have you ever been hugged? "
" No I haven't" he replied.
The blonde proceeds to hug him pressing her soft large bosom again him. He uncontrollably sports an erection.

The smoking brunette noticin...

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all live in the same apartment block and are in the lift together.

The brunette notices a very questionable and quite fresh semen stain on the wall of the lift.
"Look at that' she said. The redhead looks and says " Is that what I think it is? That's disgusting! Who would do such a thing?"
The blonde goes over to the stain, dabs her finger in it, tastes it and...

The fireman climbs the ladder to a bedroom of a burning house, and there he finds a curvaceous brunette.

\`Ah,\` he says, \`you’re the second pregnant girl I’ve rescued this year.\`


\`But I’m not pregnant!\`

\`You’re not rescued yet.\`

A Brunette and a Redhead walk into a bar . . .

The Blonde, ironically, ducked.

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A blonde and a brunette are taking a break

The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.

The next d...

Brunette speaks with a blonde friend

Brunette speaks with a blonde friend: "I took a pregnancy test." "Oh, were the questions difficult?"

Brunette: “Where were you born?”

Blonde: “California.” Brunette: “Which part?” Blonde: “All of me.”

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

The first day, they set up camp and the brunette goes out on her own. Later that afternoon, she returns with a deer in tow! "Wow," said the blonde, "How did you find that?!"

"It's easy," said the brunette, "I just followed the tracks!"...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a desert island. They have been stuck there for 5 days and have run out of food and water. In desperation they all go to the beach where they stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub the lamp and a Genie pops out and says to the trio, "Thank you f...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were in a doctors office and they were all pregnant..

The brunette says, " I know I'm having a boy because I was on the bottom."
The redhead says "Then I must be having a girl because I was on the top!"
The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably and the two other girls start comforting her asking what's wrong...
The blonde looks at them through...

A blonde visits her brunette friend at her home and finds out that she's sick.

The brunette asks "Could you please call the doctor? I'm too sick to go on the phone."

She does so, and calls a doctor. When the doctor comes and visits, the brunette finds out he is a veterinarian.

Confused, the brunette asks, "Why did you call a veterinarian to come see me?"

A...

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me”.

“The brunette took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed,then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.

She pu...

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

A dashing brunette is cruising through the countryside in her red sportswagon

She drives by a shepherd herding sheep and stops and ask:

"If I can guess your profession, can I get one of your sheep?"

As she is a rare beauty in the countryside, the sheepherder agrees.

She smiles knowingly:

"You are a sheepherder, aren't you!?"

The sheepherder ...

I almost had a threesome with a brunette and a blonde

Too bad they weren't interested.

A blonde and a brunette are in a car.

Brunette: Christmas is on a Friday this year.

Blonde: I hope it's not the 13th.

Two friends, a blonde and a brunette walk into a bar

The blonde asks, “so, how’s your family? You guys get kids yet?”

The brunette answers, “yeah, our family is strong as ever, we have one girl thats just under two.”

The blonde replies, “I may be a blonde, but I know how much one is.”

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

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Day off

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does.

The brunette gets some ext...

A brunette, a ginger and a blond were driving a beetlein a desert...

Suddenly, the beetle breaks. Each one of them starts gathering things to survive.

The brunette takes the water bottles and says: "I've taken the water so that, when we are thirst, we can drink".

The ginger takes a portable fan and says: "I've taken this small fan so we can cool ourselv...

2 blondes, 2 brunettes, and 2 redheads walk into a bar. The 2 blondes say "hello" to the bartender...

The 4 Non Blondes say "WHAT'S GOING ON!"

A blonde walks into a store to buy a new Television

She looks around for a while and finds the perfect TV for herself

She approaches the salesman and says "I would like to buy this TV." The salesman says "sorry, we cannot sell you this in good faith, I don't think you know what you're looking for."

Upset, the blonde storms out and thin...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head rob a bank....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head rob a bank. As they are running out carrying their stolen goods, the police begin to chase them down an alleyway.

Running down the alley, the robbers find three large sacks of potatoes to hide behind. "Quick!" said the brunette, hide behind here!"

Th...

A blonde girl is walking and sees a brunette down by the train tracks

The brunette is jumping on and off the tracks. As she jumps she says, “21 21 21 21”.

The blonde girl asks her what she’s doing.

The brunette says, “oh it’s fun join me.” The blonde says, “OK” and starts jumping.

As they jump they say, “21 21 21 21.” The blonde notices that a...

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!

The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!

All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Bet...

An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. Th...

A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...

They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.

The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thoug...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a restaurant.

They are having a fun time and give their waitress a huge tip. Super excited about the tip, the waitress decides to tell them a secret: In the women's bathroom, there is a magical mirror. If you tell it something truthful, you will be greatly rewarded. However, if you lie to the mirror, you will dis...

Brunette goes to the doctor

Brunette woman goes to the doctor complaining that every were she touches her body it hurts, doctor asks touch your face, she says it hurts he says touch your knee,she says it hurts, the doctor finally comes to the conclusion and asks the woman, you was born a blonde wasn't you, woman says yes why,...

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Weight Loss Program

I very much like this old joke, and I hope you will enjoy it too.

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A guy, feeling bored and tired of lounging all day and getting unhealthier as a result, decides to apply for a weight loss program.

The first day of the program arrives, and he receives a text message from t...

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead were standing on a beach

They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers j...

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial Intelligence

The Lone Ranger’s Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"...

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead all went in to visit with college admissions.

Their moms all sat in the waiting room holding their daughters purses. The brunettes mom starts snooping through her daughters purse and finds a lighter. She said " I knew my daughter was smoking. I'm going to have a talk with her".
The redhead's mom saw this and started digging through her daugh...

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A blonde, a brunette and a red-headed mother are talking about their daughters.

The brunette tells them, "I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! "

The red head said, "I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room. I couldn't believe it! "

The blonde says "That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a...

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There’s a blond, redhead, and brunette on a cliff.

The cliff is magical, only granting a specific type of wish under certain conditions. You must jump off the cliff, and you are able to become anything you wish, but you must say it while falling.

The brunette jumps off the cliff and yells, “bird!” She becomes a beautiful dove, and flies awa...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.

The brunette is first. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she...

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says...

Three Guys Were Sleeping Together On A Single Bed

One on the left wakes up and says i had a dream i was getting a handjob from a hot blonde

The Guy on the right says that's weird i had a similar dream but the only difference is the girl giving me a handjob was a brunette

The one in the middle says well i had a dream where i was Skiing...

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank?

They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?"

The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."

T...

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A brunette, a Black and a blonde girls are running from a maniac...

They them enters in an alley, there found some trash bags, wear it and stay on the ground, the maniac reach there start to search for them, and became suspicious on those bags, kicks the first: "woof,woof" fakes the brunette , " hmm, some dogs " says the maniac, then proceed to kick the second bag:"...

Brunette?

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on i...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods. Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found tracks, followed tracks, got a rabbit."

It's the redhead's turn next, and she ventures out and comes back with a moos...

An oldie but a goodie...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They find 3 potato sacks set out for trash collection on the side of the road. They each jump in one.

Having lost the girls, the police stop at the potato sacks because they see the sacks moving. An officer pokes the sack conta...

A blonde and a brunette

are walking down the street when the brunette says, “Aww… look a dead bird.”
The blonde looks up at the sky and says, “Where?”…

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

P...

A blonde and two brunettes had to climb 100 stairs without laughing

On each stair they were told a joke, and they got funnier every stair higher.

The first brunette only made it to the first stair.

The second brunette made it to the fifth stair before she laughed.

The blonde slowly made her way up all the stairs, until finally she was at the 99t...

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger,

All three girls die at the same time and at the staircase to heaven the angel says "okay on every step is a joke and if you can go up all 1000 steps you will go to heaven but if you laugh you will go down to hell."

So the brunette says "sounds easy" but when she makes it's to the 100th step s...

A blonde and brunette walk into an elevator

They exchange pleasantries and the door closes, the next floor a man gets in with terrible dandruff.
Both women look at each other but don’t say anything.
When the man gets off and the door shuts they share a laugh.
The brunette says “wow he could definitely use some head and shoulders!”<...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

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A blonde is sitting next to a brunette on a plane. She turns to the dark haired woman and asks, "Where are you from?"

The brunette haughtily replies, "I'm from a place where we know better than to end a sentence with a preposition."

The blonde pauses for a second and then asks, "Where are you from, bitch?"

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead... (Long)

A blonde, brunette, and redhead construction workers are sitting and eating their lunches. Upon opening their lunchboxes, each sighs.

"Ham and cheese again?" Says the brunette "if I have to eat one more ham and cheese sandwich, I'll kill myself!"

"Turkey again?" Says the redhead "if ...

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette shouts to the blonde, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of the river?" The blonde yells back, "You're already ON the other side of the river!"

There are three people running from the cops. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and one was a blonde.

Eventually, they find a barn and try to hide from the police.

The brunette decides to hide in a haystack, the redhead decides to hide in a horse trough, and the blonde decides to hide in a bunch of potato sacks.

When the police come by the haystack, they hear a rustle.

"What was...

Leaving Work Early

Three female co-workers notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a li...

Three women walk into an elevator

A blonde a brunette and a redhead. The door closes and a smear of a milky liquid is visible on the door. The brunette sniffs it and say "I think that is cum..."
The blond touches it and moves it around between her fingers and thumb and agrees..." that's cum".
The redhead dropped to he...

3 pregnant women are having lunch together when an elderly lady approaches them......... The elderly lady says: I can predict if you will have a boy or girl...... The Brunette says OK.....Will I have a boy or girl?????

The lady says...You were on top...you will have a boy....

The Brunette yells out.....I was on top and I am having a boy.

The elderly lady goes to the Red Haired woman and says....you were on bottom....you will have a girl

The Red Haired Woman yells out..... I was on bottom and I...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are escaping prison

After somehow dodging the security guards, they make it out of the prison. However, they are on an island and still have to swim 10 miles to be free.

They all swim away, but after 1 mile the brunette gets exhausted and turns back, saying she can't make it the whole way.

2 miles later ...

If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff...

Who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

A blonde and brunette rob a bank

A blonde and brunette decide to rob a bank. "So you remember the plan?" the brunette asks. The blonde smiles and nods. "I'll keep the car ready.. Good luck!"

The blonde runs in, mask on, and pistol in one hand. 5 minutes pass and nothing. The brunette glances at her watch nervously. 10...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar...

All three are shitty at limbo.

A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...

At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-

“Now THAT’S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!”

The blonde looks perplexed:

“How do you give somebody shoulde...

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The office blonde

Three secretaries all left the office for lunch together.

As they got in the elevator, they noticed a small pool of white-ish fluid on the floor.

The brunette said,

“Ew! Is that semen?”

The redhead leaned closer, then said,

“Yep, definitely semen.”

The blond...

A blonde a brunette and a redhead rob a bank

They’re in the middle of nowhere running from the police when they come across a barn with all the lights off. They decide to lay low in the barn for the night and wait for the heat to cool down. The farmer hears a commotion and decides to go down to investigate. The three women hear him coming and ...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

A blonde and a brunette are talking about what to do when their children misbehave during Christmas The brunette says : "I wrap empty cardboard boxes and when a child acts up I toss one into the fireplace."

And then the blonde says : "What do you do when you run out of children?"

The lone brunette in a family of blondes, Tamara, returns home from her first semester at university.

Her family was super excited to see her, especially her younger sister, Lisa. Tamara was the first person in the family to go to university and she had a million questions for her.

When they finally got some time alone, Lisa began peppering Tamara with questions.

“What was your favor...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead reach the steps to heaven, when they meet God.

As they are about to start climbing the 100 steps to heaven, God says, "Wait!"

"At every step I will tell you a joke, if you don't laugh, you can go to heaven."

The girls agree, and start climbing.

On the 27th step, the redhead starts laughing, and disappears.

On the 77t...

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are in an elevator

On the floor is a puddle of white liquid.

The brunette takes a close look at the puddle. "Looks like cum" she says.

The redhead leans down and smells the puddle. "Smells like cum" she says.

The blonde puts her finger in the puddle, then licks her finger. "Not anyone in this buil...

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

A guy gets from a plane and goes to a brothel house, he knocks on the door and an attractive woman opens the door.

"I wanna see Natalie".

The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn't have a lot of money.

"Sir to see Natalie you will have to pay $1,000 for half an hour"

"Is no problem, I have ze money"

Just then a gorgeous brunette in a black evening gown comes dow...

A young blonde woman wants to go to the movies with one of her friends, but none of them are available, so she decides to go by herself.

"Please be careful," says her brunette roommate. "I went to the movies once by myself, and I had to change my seat thrice because I kept finding myself sitting next to a man who tried to make out with me."

"Don't worry!" replies the blonde. "I'll be careful!"

When the blonde comes back...

Gun rights

Fix this joke:

A blonde was getting heated arguing with her brunette friend. Her friend was trying to stay calm as she explained the importance of gun rights for personal and property protection.

"That's all anyone talks about, gun rights, gun rights, gun rights. All I'm saying is tha...

So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in a desert when their car breaks down.

Thinking quickly, the brunette decides they should all start trying to scavenge and collect supplies for the long walk to the nearest gas station.

The other two girls agree, so they begin their hunt.

The brunette grabs her knife from the car and cuts a few cacti open, hoping to col...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...

There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.

"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progre...

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger are on an island

They decide to swim the hundred miles back to shore, the ginger makes it 10 miles, the brunette swims 25 miles, and the blonde swims fifty miles, realizes it’s too far and swims back.

A man points a gun at a brunette.

He's going to count to 3 and shoot her unless she gives him her purse. He starts counting, "1...2...3". Then she suddenly yells, "Cops!!!". The man looks the other way and she runs away. The man then points the gun at a redhead and says the same thing. He starts counting, "1...2...3". Then she sudde...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, a...

Milk that cow..

(Its just a Joke) Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time...

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

(Nsfw) A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flower. She sighs and say "My boyfriend is buying me flowers again, now I 'll be expected to spend the weekend lay on my back with my legs in the air"

The blonde says: "Dont you have a vase?!"

A robber pointed his gun at a brunette in a dark alley.

He said, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give me your purse. 1...2...3". "Cops!" she screamed, pointing behind him. He looked behind, no one was there and the brunette ran away.

The robber then pointed his gun at a red head and repeated, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give ...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are part of a Jello cult.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are part of a Jello cult.

The blonde is first and she gives up her baby in the name of the Jello lord.
"Oh lord, please accept this baby as my offering" and she lets her baby down and whoosh, it vanishes. She runs around in despair of what she has just do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blond, brunette and red head are all in the delivery room ready to give birth.

The doctor walks in and goes the the brunette and asks how she prefers to have sex.

When she replies "missionary" he guesses she'll have a boy. A few minutes later, the baby is born and it's a boy.

Then the doctor steps up to the red head and asks how she prefers to have sex.
...

white haired mum

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?...

A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him

The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free."

So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset.
<...

A blonde, redhead and brunette die and God appears before them

Mesmerized by their beauty (yes, he didn't create them ffs) he gives them a challenge. "For each step you take on the staircase to heaven, I will tell a dark joke. If you laugh, then you will fall straight to hell. Otherwise, despite all your sins, I will let you enter the gates of heaven".

A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are escaping prison...

They come across a farm and decide to hide among the animals in a desperate attempt to conceal themselves.
The police show up and find the redhead within the chicken coop. “Squawk, cock-a-doodle-do,” she cries.
Next, they find the brunette hiding among the cows in their pens. “Moo!” She lows, ...

A blonde brunette and a red head get stuck on an island 4 miles away from shore

They decided that the only way back is through swimming. The red head gets half a mile and gets tired and turns back. The brunette gets one and a half miles gets tired and turns back. The blonde she gets three and a half miles and gets tired so she turn back.

"I may never trust my sister Linda again," a brunette woman told her blonde friend.

"What happened?" asked the blonde.

"Yesterday," said the brunette, "I came home from work and heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. I went upstairs and saw my husband lying in bed. He looked exhausted. I asked him what was up, and he said he was having a heart attack. Just as I was l...

Blond Father

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to h...

Three pregnant women: a brunette, a redhead and a blonde are sitting in a bar.

The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have."

The redhead asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I conceived, so I will have a baby boy".

The redhead said, "If the logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was at the bottom when I concieved.

The bl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women compete in a swim race.

There's a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde all lined up for the 100m breaststroke. On the starting pistol, the brunette and the redhead are off like a shot, but the blonde stays right where she is.

Hours after the race ends, someone goes to check on the pool and there's the blonde, redfaced ...

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are on a wonderful island and suddenly god appears

God says you must say something that is true in order to stay on the island, or else you will be teleported back to the city

The redhead says”oh that’s easy, I think I am the smartest person in the entire wor-“

POOF she disappears

The brunette says “ok, I think I am the most ...

3 Women, a Blonde, Brunette, & a Redhead are running from the Cops when they get Surrounded

So the Brunette Points and Says, "Look an Avalanche"
The Cops look, when they look back the Brunettes Gone.
So the Redhead Points and says, "Look a Rockslide"
The Cops Look, and when they look back, the Redheads gone
So finally the Blonde goes, "FIRE"
And they Shoot her

What do you get when you flip a blond upside down?

A brunette with bad breath

A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends’ dandruff problems

The brunette says, “my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days”

The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, “how do you give shoulders?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is watching the news one day

There is a commercial advertising a weight loss company. It says that you can lose anywhere from 5 pounds to 50 pounds in increments of five and it only cost $10. They said they have a 100% satisfaction guarantee and if you aren’t satisfied you can have a refund.

The man believes that this is...

[blonde] A brunette was doing her laundry and asked her blonde friend to find a match for her sock.

"Why" the blonde asked. "Are you going to set in on fire?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead arrive at work and get into the lift(/elevator for my friends in the US).

The brunette spots a white puddle in the corner and exclaims "ew, that looks like cum!"

The redhead bends down closer, sniffs and announces, "it smells like cum."

The blonde gets on all fours, licks it, thinks for a moment and states: "it's no-one from this building."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

A blonde and a brunette own a cattle ranch

Their bull's gotten a bit old and his about ready for the meat processor, so they decide that the brunette will head over out to another town to buy one. The brunette explains:

"We have $1000 to get that bull, that's all. I'm going to head to town with the Corolla and try to find us one. ...

Blonde & Brunette

There’s a blonde and a brunette sitting in a bar checking out guys. The brunette sees a good looking guy but notices the he has dandruff. The brunette says “he’s cute but he could use some head & shoulders”. The blonde replies “how do you give shoulders”

How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair?

When she trips over the cordless phone.

A redhead, brunette and blonde woman are walking aimlessly through an endless desert

The redhead said to the others, "I'm glad we all were smart and brought one item that will help us stay safe if we get lost in the desert. I brought a big canteen of water as mine. If I get thirsty, I'll have that to drink."

The brunette then chimes in and says, "great idea! For my one item, ...

A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..

Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"


Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."


Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

Two black eyes

A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. His wife asks, "what happened to you?"

"Well, I was getting on the bus behind this curvy brunette, and noticed her skirt was jammed in between her cheeks. Being a gentleman, I pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged me."

...

A Blond, Brunette and a Redhead go to a Bar

They come up to the bartender and the bartender says "we have a magic mirror in the girl's bathroom, if you tell it a truth about yourself you'll get free drinks and if you tell it a lie it will kill you." Excited, the brunette rushes to the bathroom and says "I think I'm the prettiest out of the t...

A blonde, a brunette, and a black-haired girl are walking down their high school hallway

when they come across a genie's lamp. The black-haired girl rubs it, and a genie comes out. He tells them that he'll give each of them three wishes if they say something true about themselves. If not, they'll go "poof", and die.

So the black-haired girl squeals, "I think I'm the prettiest gir...

A blonde and a brunette

decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blond...

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