Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Historians are now generally agreed

that Romulus was a real son of a bitch.

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Future historians will have difficulties studying about our pornstars

because we delete them from our history.

What do musicians and historians share in common?

They're never on the same page.

For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

Why are women good historians

Because they know their periods

Historians in Ireland believe they have found their oldest ever man.

An ancient headstone has been analysed, and they found it to be for a 193 year old man called Miles from Dublin.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

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Historians are torn as to whether or not Hitler had a favorite date

Some say that he vehemently denied having one

while others say it was 9/9/99

Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

Why are all the greatest historians named Victor?

Because history is written by the Victors

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?

They both care way too much about the Đức Dynasty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust

\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.

\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.

\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?

\- But why the actress?

\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.

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Why do historians say Hitler was a great mathematician?

He could always find the final solution

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

When ISIS is finally destroyed...

Historians should start referring to it as "WASWAS".

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

Why did prostitues in 330 BCE hate Plato?

Historians have found that this uproar was due to his teachings being too Thot-provoking

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

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The fighting needs to stop

An archaeologist and 2 historians are sitting next to each other on a plane. The archaeologist took off his shoes. One of the historians asks the archaeologist to get him a coke. He says yes and when he gets up the historian spits in his shoe. When the archaeologist got back the other historian ask...

The American flag that was planted on the moon has turned white due to solar radiation.

Now future historians will think the French got there first.

Wars in the Iberian Peninsula

Having forged a marriage alliance, the kingdoms of Castille and Aragon formed Spain, a united Catholic front to drive the Moors outside of Iberia.

One of the more important battles in the subsequent Reconquista was the siege of Cordoba. Though historians debate what exact tactics the command...

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

Worlds oldest joke (found on r/AskHistorians)

See https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1e5qdi/the_worlds_oldest_jokes/

> Thus far the oldest joke that we have been able to identify by this definition is an old Sumerian saying from ~1900 BCE that is translated as follows: "Something which has never occurred since time immemo...

What is the oldest joke we have on record? (X-post)

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2krnv8/what_is_the_oldest_joke_we_have_on_record/

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