Hard Drive Jokes - 42 Hilarious Hard Drive Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so …

once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.

Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...

One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy’s apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled “KGB”.

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, “why wouldn’t he just write 1 TB?”

How do you eat a hard drive?

One byte at a time

Where are dramatic hard drives from?

Oh I/O

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I just flashed my hard drive.

Though why showing my computer my schlong is meant to speed it up I'll never know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Hitler like external hard drives?

Because they're not C:\\

Why did the hard drive crash?

Because it had a bad driver.

How big is a clown's hard drive?

50 GiggleBytes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

My dog ate my computer’s hard drive.

He took a megabyte.

Which hard drive is always the happiest?

Disk C:

how did the Floppy drive turn into a Hard drive

...By a flash drive

If people were hard drives

Bruce Jenner would have been reformatted.

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.

I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.

[OC] I named my hard drive Poland

Because of how often it gets partitioned

My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive

He said he needed to C:

Samsung developed an infinite space hard drive.

Only problem is they're still formatting it.

What do you call a cat sitting on a hard drive?

A platter puss

I like my men like I like my external hard drives...

Solid state, and to dump all my history on.

history

I used to be a researcher for a hard drive manufacturer. I was the first person ever to fit 1000 megabytes into an SSD. Looking back...

It was a solid gig.

What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?

A Cache-Advance

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive

It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

I walked into work yesterday, and my boss asked me, “Why are you late?”

Me: I was having computer issues.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

Why do computers hate going to their file storage?

Because it's a hard drive.

What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey?

A hard drive

I got invited to test a new car made entirely of spare computer parts

It was a hard drive

watching tv with my dad

We were watching the commercials and I said these commercials are brainwashing us, our brains are like hard drives and they store all this information, then my dad said "when you get old your brain turns into a soft drive"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy goes to his father and asks...

"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat group on FaceBook. Then I set up a date via Tinder with your Mom and we met at a Starbucks, because of the free wifi. We sneaked into...

Swedish Computer Terms

New Computer Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.
...

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

Well it finally happened; my beloved computer stopped working. Took it to the shop for a new one.

It was such a hard drive.

I told my girlfriend that my weiner is like a computer

She said "is it because its like a hard drive and is made as strong as metal"

Wait till she finds out its more like microsoft and has a lot of viruses.

As a dog lover and PC player...

I obviously buy only To-Shiba hard drives.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory?

It's a hard drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Smith was a man of cold facts, a scientist, a computer jock, and a confirmed atheist.

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.