What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy’s apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled “KGB”.

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, “why wouldn’t he just write 1 TB?”

If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.

What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.

Where are dramatic hard drives from?

Oh I/O

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I named my hard drive "dat ass,"

so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

If you have two 10GB hard drives and you get another 10GB hard drive, what do you have?

A junkyard.

Why does a programmer get nervous when his girlfriend asks for his hard drive

Because she wants the D:

Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...

One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"

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Why does Hitler like external hard drives?

Because they're not C:\\

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What do you call a hard drive after sex?

A floppy disc

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So I just flashed my hard drive.

Though why showing my computer my schlong is meant to speed it up I'll never know.

How big is a clown's hard drive?

50 GiggleBytes

My dog took a byte out of my hard drive

Now it's in bits

Why did the hard drive crash?

Because it had a bad driver.

Which hard drive is always the happiest?

Disk C:

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.

I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

If people were hard drives

Bruce Jenner would have been reformatted.

My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive

He said he needed to C:

LPT: If you ever find that your hard drive has been wiped, don't worry!

Just call the NSA, they'll have have all your information backed up

So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive

It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)

What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?

A Cache-Advance

I like my men like I like my external hard drives...

Solid state, and to dump all my history on.


history

You're like my hard drive.

Fat and 32

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What did the incompetent IT guy say to his wife?

I can't recover the hard drive but I can surely fix your sex drive.

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With the arrest for child pornography yesterday, at least Josh Duggar will be remembered for 19 kids and counting...

For the tv show he made in the past, and coincidentally the number of videos found so far on his hard drive.

I told my boss...

“Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

"Hard drive?" he asked.

"No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop."

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I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

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A little boy goes to his father and asks...

"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat group on FaceBook. Then I set up a date via Tinder with your Mom and we met at a Starbucks, because of the free wifi. We sneaked into...

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

Smith was a man of cold facts, a scientist, a computer jock, and a confirmed atheist.

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S...

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I Just Gave My Computer Viagra

It went from having a floppy disk to having a hard drive.

A study claims the filthiest location in a typical home isn't the kitchen floor,

the bin,

or even the toilet seat.

It's actually the hard drive.

I told my girlfriend that my weiner is like a computer

She said "is it because its like a hard drive and is made as strong as metal"

Wait till she finds out its more like microsoft and has a lot of viruses.

As a dog lover and PC player...

I obviously buy only To-Shiba hard drives.

Red Neck Computer Dictionary

* LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much far...

Well it finally happened; my beloved computer stopped working. Took it to the shop for a new one.

It was such a hard drive.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory?

It's a hard drive.

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Adblocking software

So these IT professionals were discussing the new internet protection softwares they were installing at work.

The first one says “my new system blocks ads, and with Godzilla level protection refuses to show images with flesh tones.”

The next one says “my new system blocks ads, and wit...

New Computer Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.
...

(NSFW) Computer tech humor

A computer technician was boasting about the size of his hard drive and how much RAM he had. A female colleague said that she had three user friendly ports and some of best port knockers around.

The female technician suggested that perhaps they should combine their equipment and connect his h...

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