UPJOKE
disk drivegigabyteterabytebytehard diskmegabytecomputerdrivevoice coilwinchester drivecomputer scienceibmtoughflash drivefloppy drive

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My girl took some pictures of her butt and saved them on the hard drive

She was backin' dat ass up!

what do you call a thief who warns someone he isn't responsible if he steals their hard drives?

The Diskclaimer

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy’s apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled “KGB”.

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, “why wouldn’t he just write 1 TB?”

How do you eat a hard drive?

One byte at a time

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

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I named my hard drive "dat ass,"

so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...

One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"

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So I just flashed my hard drive.

Though why showing my computer my schlong is meant to speed it up I'll never know.

If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.

What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.

My dog ate my computer’s hard drive.

He took a megabyte.

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What do you call a hard drive after sex?

A floppy disc

Which hard drive is always the happiest?

Disk C:

How big is a clown's hard drive?

50 GiggleBytes

Why did the hard drive crash?

Because it had a bad driver.

Where are dramatic hard drives from?

Oh I/O

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive

It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)

My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive

He said he needed to C:

What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?

A Cache-Advance

Samsung developed an infinite space hard drive.

Only problem is they're still formatting it.

[OC] I named my hard drive Poland

Because of how often it gets partitioned

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Why does Hitler like external hard drives?

Because they're not C:\\

You're like my hard drive.

Fat and 32

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

If people were hard drives

Bruce Jenner would have been reformatted.

Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.

I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.

I like my men like I like my external hard drives...

Solid state, and to dump all my history on.


history

I got invited to test a new car made entirely of spare computer parts

It was a hard drive

Me: Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: The commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

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I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

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A little boy goes to his father and asks...

"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat group on FaceBook. Then I set up a date via Tinder with your Mom and we met at a Starbucks, because of the free wifi. We sneaked into...

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

Smith was a man of cold facts, a scientist, a computer jock, and a confirmed atheist.

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S...

I told my girlfriend that my weiner is like a computer

She said "is it because its like a hard drive and is made as strong as metal"

Wait till she finds out its more like microsoft and has a lot of viruses.

A study claims the filthiest location in a typical home isn't the kitchen floor,

the bin,

or even the toilet seat.

It's actually the hard drive.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

Red Neck Computer Dictionary

* LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much far...

Well it finally happened; my beloved computer stopped working. Took it to the shop for a new one.

It was such a hard drive.

As a dog lover and PC player...

I obviously buy only To-Shiba hard drives.

Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory?

It's a hard drive.

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Adblocking software

So these IT professionals were discussing the new internet protection softwares they were installing at work.

The first one says “my new system blocks ads, and with Godzilla level protection refuses to show images with flesh tones.”

The next one says “my new system blocks ads, and wit...

New Computer Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.
...

(NSFW) Computer tech humor

A computer technician was boasting about the size of his hard drive and how much RAM he had. A female colleague said that she had three user friendly ports and some of best port knockers around.

The female technician suggested that perhaps they should combine their equipment and connect his h...

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