UPJOKE
microsoftthunderboltusb on-the-gosmartphonecompaqtwisted pairibmphilipsnokiascsidvdlightningfull-duplexlegacy-free pcusb type-c

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

I wanted to make a Joke about USB

But you won't get it the first time.

USB is a great backup...

Especially if USA fails.

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

The guy who invented USB passed away recently

At his funeral, they started to lower his casket into the ground, but they had to stop half-way, and flip him over.

What do the Catholic Church and USB Implementers Forum have in common?

They both discourage mating for fun

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data. The other is an industry standard.

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

What will the USA be called if it spilt into 2?

USA and USB

I just ate my USB

It only took 1 byte.

What is the difference between USA and USB

USB can have 500 gb+, USA comes in 500 pounds+

What do you call a Russian usb stick?

Put-in

Now I understand the need for USB

The USA is broken, so they needed to make a new one.

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I have a USB drive full of porn...

I call it my “sex drive”

Hey girl, are you a USB port?

Because I might have to flip you over a few times before it fits.

The inventor of the USB stick has died

At his funeral they gently lowered the coffin, then pulled it back up, turned it the other way, then lowered it again.

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the nex...

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A USB is like my sex life...

It takes at least 3 times to put it in correctly.

Plugging in a USB is a lot like arguing with my wife...

50% chance of being right, but also 100% chance of getting it wrong.

Did you hear the man who invented the USB port died?

At his funeral they lowered the casket....

Then raised it, turned it around, and lowered it again.

The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

USB Inventor

When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

You can buy USB-powered taillights...

I guess they’re for safely backing up your computer.

Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .

They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.

Are you a USB port?

Because it takes me at least three tries to get it in.

Did you hear about the guy who married the USB drive?

It was love at first byte.

The inventor of the USB drive passed away recently.

There was some trouble getting his body in the coffin.

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I named my wife's portable USB drive THAT ASS.

So I could tell her to back THAT ASS up.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

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Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad...

I think its time for USB.

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

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What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

Where are most USB sticks produced in the world?

USBekistan

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

What does it say on a Russian USB drive?

Putin

Did you know they were making dual-sided USB?

Now it'll only take **6** tries to plug it in.

I eventually understood USB Type C design...

And now, I can't really see any downside in it

If USB ports could talk, they'd only ask one question.

Is it in yet?

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Why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way

Fuck, I mean usb stick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

A masked man goes into a sperm bank

He points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
Afte...

The guy that invented/designed the USB plug died about a month ago.

At his funeral they lowered his coffin into the ground, then pulled it out and turned it around and put it back, then pulled it up again....

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day...

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day. It had motherboards on the walls, the placemats looked like keyboards, the cutlery had USB sticks for handles, you get the idea. But the waitstaff seemed sad. Really, really sad. The host was sighing as we walked to my table – he was a web developer...

- Hi, my name is computer.

- Hi, Im virus! Where are you from?

- Im from USA. And you?

- Im from USB!

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

Why can’t American phone chargers walk straight?

Cause the USB trippin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dapple's Car Accident

Once upon a frosty Canadian winter, there lived a man named Dapple. Dapple was a proud Canuck, born and raised in the heart of the Great White North. He loved the snow, the maple syrup, and of course, ice hockey. But one fateful day, his life took an unexpected turn.


Dapple was driving ...

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What is impossible to stick in nearly half the time but too damn easy to pull out?

Those damn USB keys.

My blonde gf thinks...

My blonde gf thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

Brazil factoid

TIL that, until about 1930, Brazil was known officially as the United States of Brazil, or USB. So, does that mean that Rio de Janeiro was a USB port?

A dyslexic IT worker

waited hours for a USB, then 3 came at once.

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

The Club of People That Made Things That Plug Into Computers

There is a prestigious and hard-to-get-into club of people who invented things that plug into computers, like the USB, HDMI, ethernet and so on. This club meets regularly but then, after a few years, the inventor of the USB died. It was a very sad time, but they held a beautiful funeral service for ...

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