When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.

USB is a great backup...

Especially if USA fails.

What is the difference between USA and USB

USB can have 500 gb+, USA comes in 500 pounds+

Now I understand the need for USB

The USA is broken, so they needed to make a new one.

The guy who invented USB died...

At the funeral they had to do a 180 with his coffin to get it in the hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a USB drive full of porn...

I call it my “sex drive”

Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda?

**Best Buy employee:** a cord?

**Me:** no it's a Civic.

What do you call a Russian usb stick?

Put-in

Why can’t American phone chargers walk straight?

Cause the USB trippin

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB...

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

Plugging in a USB is a lot like arguing with my wife...

50% chance of being right, but also 100% chance of getting it wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Did you hear the man who invented the USB port died?

At his funeral they lowered the casket....

Then raised it, turned it around, and lowered it again.

When the inventor of the USB dies...

they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

The guy who invented the USB died the other day

When the coffin was lowered they realized that it was the other way around, so they took it up, turned it and inserted it correctly

Hey girl, are you a USB port?

Because I might have to flip you over a few times before it fits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way

Fuck, I mean usb stick.

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A USB is like my sex life...

It takes at least 3 times to put it in correctly.

The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .

They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

What comes after the United States of America?

USB

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

I just ate my USB

It only took 1 byte.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my wife's portable USB drive THAT ASS.

So I could tell her to back THAT ASS up.

The inventor of the USB drive passed away recently.

There was some trouble getting his body in the coffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

You can buy USB-powered taillights...

I guess they’re for safely backing up your computer.

Are you a USB port?

Because it takes me at least three tries to get it in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My lady and I tried a new position called "The USB" the other night..

It's when you aren't quite connecting right and you flip that bitch over and it slides right in.

Where are most USB sticks produced in the world?

USBekistan

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

USB Inventor

When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way

If USB ports could talk, they'd only ask one question.

Is it in yet?

Did you know they were making dual-sided USB?

Now it'll only take **6** tries to plug it in.

If I'm carrying around a USB stick

Do I have mobile data?

A masked man goes into a sperm bank

He points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
Afte...

What does it say on a Russian USB drive?

Putin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidently put my USB through the washing machine

It's still works, but it's really clean now. All the porn is gone.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

A dyslexic IT worker

waited hours for a USB, then 3 came at once.

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad...

I think its time for USB.

The guy that invented/designed the USB plug died about a month ago.

At his funeral they lowered his coffin into the ground, then pulled it out and turned it around and put it back, then pulled it up again....

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

What has four legs, a tail and runs?

A cow in panty hose.



What has four legs, a tale and smells?



A cow with the runs



What has four legs, a tail and walks?



A cow batting 400



What has four legs, a tail and flies?



A dirty cow



What has ...

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

My blonde gf thinks...

My blonde gf thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.

Brazil factoid

TIL that, until about 1930, Brazil was known officially as the United States of Brazil, or USB. So, does that mean that Rio de Janeiro was a USB port?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

The Club of People That Made Things That Plug Into Computers

There is a prestigious and hard-to-get-into club of people who invented things that plug into computers, like the USB, HDMI, ethernet and so on. This club meets regularly but then, after a few years, the inventor of the USB died. It was a very sad time, but they held a beautiful funeral service for ...

Today I finally managed a feat coveted by many but achieved by few

I got the USB in by flipping it just twice.

IAmA dyslexic government computer programmer, AMA!

Whoops, wrong usb.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.