UPJOKE
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Usb Jokes

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

I wanted to make a Joke about USB

But you won't get it the first time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a USB drive full of porn...

I call it my “sex drive”

What will the USA be called if it spilt into 2?

USA and USB

Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda?

**Best Buy employee:** a cord?

**Me:** no it's a Civic.

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

The guy who invented USB died...

At the funeral they had to do a 180 with his coffin to get it in the hole.

Now I understand the need for USB

The USA is broken, so they needed to make a new one.

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data. The other is an industry standard.

The inventor of the USB stick has died

At his funeral they gently lowered the coffin, then pulled it back up, turned it the other way, then lowered it again.

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

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What is impossible to stick in nearly half the time but too damn easy to pull out?

Those damn USB keys.

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day...

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day. It had motherboards on the walls, the placemats looked like keyboards, the cutlery had USB sticks for handles, you get the idea. But the waitstaff seemed sad. Really, really sad. The host was sighing as we walked to my table – he was a web developer...

What do you call a Russian usb stick?

Put-in

Plugging in a USB is a lot like arguing with my wife...

50% chance of being right, but also 100% chance of getting it wrong.

What is the difference between USA and USB

USB can have 500 gb+, USA comes in 500 pounds+

Did you hear the man who invented the USB port died?

At his funeral they lowered the casket....

Then raised it, turned it around, and lowered it again.

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

Hey girl, are you a USB port?

Because I might have to flip you over a few times before it fits.

Did you hear about the guy who married the USB drive?

It was love at first byte.

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A USB is like my sex life...

It takes at least 3 times to put it in correctly.

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .

They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.

I just ate my USB

It only took 1 byte.

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Why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way

Fuck, I mean usb stick.

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

The inventor of the USB drive passed away recently.

There was some trouble getting his body in the coffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my wife's portable USB drive THAT ASS.

So I could tell her to back THAT ASS up.

You can buy USB-powered taillights...

I guess they’re for safely backing up your computer.

Are you a USB port?

Because it takes me at least three tries to get it in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

Where are most USB sticks produced in the world?

USBekistan

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My lady and I tried a new position called "The USB" the other night..

It's when you aren't quite connecting right and you flip that bitch over and it slides right in.

USB Inventor

When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

A masked man goes into a sperm bank

He points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
Afte...

What does it say on a Russian USB drive?

Putin

If USB ports could talk, they'd only ask one question.

Is it in yet?

Did you know they were making dual-sided USB?

Now it'll only take **6** tries to plug it in.

I just bought a USB C-C cable so my wife can charge her phone off of mine

Now she can not only suck the life out of me but also my phone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidently put my USB through the washing machine

It's still works, but it's really clean now. All the porn is gone.

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad...

I think its time for USB.

The guy that invented/designed the USB plug died about a month ago.

At his funeral they lowered his coffin into the ground, then pulled it out and turned it around and put it back, then pulled it up again....

Why can’t American phone chargers walk straight?

Cause the USB trippin

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

A group of foreign computer peripheral manufacturers, unhappy with tariffs placed on their products by the United States, plans on starting their own country, which will compete with America.

They will call it USB.

What comes after the United States of America?

USB

A dyslexic IT worker

waited hours for a USB, then 3 came at once.

My blonde gf thinks...

My blonde gf thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

Brazil factoid

TIL that, until about 1930, Brazil was known officially as the United States of Brazil, or USB. So, does that mean that Rio de Janeiro was a USB port?

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