Hey girl, are you a USB port?

Because I might have to flip you over a few times before it fits.

The guy who invented USB died...

At the funeral they had to do a 180 with his coffin to get it in the hole.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

The guy who invented the USB died the other day

When the coffin was lowered they realized that it was the other way around, so they took it up, turned it and inserted it correctly

What was so wrong with USA...

...that they had to go and make USB?

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A USB is like my sex life...

It takes at least 3 times to put it in correctly.

The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .

They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port?

Now you can really back that ass up!

The person who invented the USB drive is going to be lowered into his grave,

Then lifted back up, flipped over, and layed in again.

What's the most powerful country after USA ?

USB.

When the inventor of the USB dies...

they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

What does it say on a Russian USB drive?

Putin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my wife's portable USB drive THAT ASS.

So I could tell her to back THAT ASS up.

You can buy USB-powered taillights...

I guess they’re for safely backing up your computer.

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

Why was the USB named that way?

Because USA was already taken.

The inventor of the USB drive passed away recently.

There was some trouble getting his body in the coffin.

I just ate my USB

It only took 1 byte.

Life is just like a USB port

50% chance of being right and always wrong.

Are you a USB port?

Because it takes me at least three tries to get it in.

USB Inventor

When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad...

I think its time for USB.

Where are most USB sticks produced in the world?

USBekistan

If I'm carrying around a USB stick

Do I have mobile data?

A masked man goes into a sperm bank

He points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
Afte...

How do you call a USB stick in Russia?

A put-in

If USB ports could talk, they'd only ask one question.

Is it in yet?

Did you know they were making dual-sided USB?

Now it'll only take **6** tries to plug it in.

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidently put my USB through the washing machine

It's still works, but it's really clean now. All the porn is gone.

I eventually understood USB Type C design...

And now, I can't really see any downside in it

The guy that invented/designed the USB plug died about a month ago.

At his funeral they lowered his coffin into the ground, then pulled it out and turned it around and put it back, then pulled it up again....

I went to a support group the other day.

The leader asked everyone to share their greatest accomplishment. When it got to me I told them, “I plugged in a usb on the first try once.” The instructor looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, this group is for people with low self esteem. Pathological liars are across the hall.”

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

What has four legs, a tail and runs?

A cow in panty hose.



What has four legs, a tale and smells?



A cow with the runs



What has four legs, a tail and walks?



A cow batting 400



What has four legs, a tail and flies?



A dirty cow



What has ...

Brazil factoid

TIL that, until about 1930, Brazil was known officially as the United States of Brazil, or USB. So, does that mean that Rio de Janeiro was a USB port?

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

My blonde gf thinks...

My blonde gf thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.

Today I finally managed a feat coveted by many but achieved by few

I got the USB in by flipping it just twice.

IAmA dyslexic government computer programmer, AMA!

Whoops, wrong usb.

The Club of People That Made Things That Plug Into Computers

There is a prestigious and hard-to-get-into club of people who invented things that plug into computers, like the USB, HDMI, ethernet and so on. This club meets regularly but then, after a few years, the inventor of the USB died. It was a very sad time, but they held a beautiful funeral service for ...

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away its USB cable.

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