Get Rich Jokes

Everyday he would pray to the gods that he would win the lottery.

Every night, "God, please let me win the lottery!!!!"

This went on for years and years, until one day suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens open, god steps in front of him and slaps him across his ... read more

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of th... read more

Prophet.

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl... read more

When mother nature makes it rain.

One day I'll be a milliner.

Like I am now

(Dark, I know, but one of my favorite deep thoughts)

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

By suing bus companies. So, he goes to a bus station, and when the bus arrives he sticks his leg out so it gets runs over. He spends 6 weeks in hospital and is given $10,000 in reparations. When he gets out, he goes to a different state and does the same thing, but this time with the other leg. This... read more

You'd be making a living!

I’ll put my Monet where my mouth is.

By investing in Krypto-currency.

Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

they sent me a gun and a list of the closest banks.

Turned out it was just a pyramid scheme

Just to hear punters shout, “Come on my face”

Setting a deadline.

Clerk: "Yes we do sir, can I recommend another book with that, other buyers have found it very useful?"

Guy: "Of course, I would gladly take a look, what is it?"

Clerk: "Penal Code - Commented edition"

...but it turned out that plan was a Naan starter.

Now it only comes back when I get rich.

I asked my wife if she'd be interested in investing some of her money in stocks, like I invest mine.

She responded: "No, because if you'll get rich, I'll be rich, too."

So I asked her if the reverse is also true. Her response was:

"Sure! If I'll become poor, you'll be poor, too... read more

get rich or try dying

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.

On the first night ... read more