What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

A woman starts flirting with a software guy.

She says “Well aren’t you a cutie pie.”

He responds “No, I’m the IT guy.”

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

My mate from Newcastle told me he was good at flirting,

so I pushed him in the river but he started to sink...

How can you tell if a beaver is flirting with you?

They'll send you a stick pic

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

A doctor and an archeologist start flirting

After a while of the doctor asks:
-“What do you do for a living”
-“Im an archeologist” she answers
The doctor responds:
-“Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people”

I was flirting really well with this woman in the bar.

"Do you want me to show you a good time?" she asked.

"Of course, babe," I grinned eagerly.

"Get your stopwatch out then," she snapped, "and see how long it takes me to get to the other side of the club."

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Last night I met a beautiful woman in a bar...

Last night I met a beautiful woman in a bar. We were getting on really well and after some time we started flirting. It was at this moment that she decided to bite her lip to look sexy.....

unfortunately, she bit her top lip.

Quick Guide To Flirting

dating coach: so, you've flirted before?

girl: sure, I have given 'the look'

coach: show me

girl: *bites lip seductively*

coach: have you considered biting the bottom lip?

The only thing I hate more than my teachers flirting with me...

Is being homeschooled.

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

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Met a lady at a bar one night and after flirting a bit I suggested she comes to my house to suck my dick.

Only after dodging my puke did she realise I was dyslexic

A math professor was flirting with his girlfriend

Girlfriend: "Oh your mean!"
Professor:" No, I'm the median"

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Scottish Flirting

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ...

A man is in a bar at closing time, he starts flirting with a female on the way out, and walks her home...

She invites him upstairs for a nightcap, and suddenly they are both naked and all over each other.

After it is over, as they lay in bed, she says “Am I the first one you ever hooked up with like this?”

He looks over and says, “Actually you are. All the other ones were 9s and 10s”

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes


The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account...

I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...

...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How cool is that for someone her age?

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

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Two FBI agents who knew sensitive classified info went to a conference in Russia...

Turns out, the conference was really long and *really* boring; almost to the point the agents got mad, so when it was over, they decided to go to a nearby nightclub for some drinks and fun.

They had just ordered their drinks and started drinking up when two incredibly gorgeous Russian women c...

My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women.

She finds the rejection quite entertaining.

Do you know what happened the first time Ed Sheeran started flirting with a girl before he was famous?

She ran.

A man and a woman are flirting in a bar

The woman asks the man what he does for a job to which he replies "I'm a vampire hunter"

"There are no vampires around here through" she says looking at him confused. He takes a long drink and says "you're welcome"

My Version Of Flirting!

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they're braver than I am.

I remember when two Asian girls tried flirting with me

They asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it will be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right... we had six matching balls.

It usually works when flirting, Bite your lip.

P.S. Your lower lip.

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

But, it only works in Kentucky.

I was flirting with a girl at a party. My friend came over and whispered in my ear.

He said, "What's going on between you two tonight?"

I said, "A condom."

“Hey Grandma, how was your doctors appointment?”

“I think the doctor was flirting with me. He told me I have acute angina!”

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A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.

The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.

The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch.

While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! G...

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A young man on a plane is flirting with a nearby flight attendant...

"Hey, wanna join the Mile-High Club? *wink wink*"

The flight attendant responds "No thanks. And quite honestly, I don't give a flying fuck."

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

Guy: I’m hungover

Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. Over.

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvio...

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

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"Did your mother cook like this?"

A lonely man is attracted to a beautiful single woman in his office. He tries many ways to stimulate her interest in him, but she ignores all of his overtures—flirting, flowers, candy—nothing seems to work. Frustrated, he finally just asks her out to dinner, promising dinner at the best place in tow...

The Potato

A man went to the beach in hopes of meeting a pretty girl, but he couldn't attract attention no matter what he did.

He noticed another man in a speedo and a cowboy hat. All the girls at the beach were flocking around him, flirting and smiling. The man walked up to the guy in the cowboy hat an...

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A man and his wife, who live on the beach, decide they want to have sea snails for dinner

The man is sent off to go and get some fresh from the beach. While he is collecting them, a gorgeous woman who is jogging along the beach stops and starts flirting with him. After chatting for a bit, he ends up going back to her place for a marathon of sex and completely loses track of time.
...

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A Koala is sitting in a bar...

A Koala is sitting in a bar enjoying his drink when a beautiful woman approaches him. She starts flirting and they chat for a few minutes before the woman looks at the Koala and says

"hey, you wanna get outta here?"

"Sure!" the Koala replied as he jumped off the stool and took her ha...

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

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An anthropologist visits a local translator in Zimbabwe.

"I'd like to set up a meeting with the nearby Xhosa tribe," he says. "But I haven't had any luck finding them. Can you help me send a message?"

The translator smiles. "Ah yes, it is difficult to find them. This particular tribe has little interest in Westerners. But they will still meet with ...

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acute angina

Gerty and George had been flirting for afew weeks at the Senior Home. They decided to seal the deal and Gerty accompanied George to his room, closed the door and slipped her shirt off.
"Be careful, I have acute angina," She said

George let his eyes linger as he took in her body and said,...

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

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So, there's these two tomatoes who are best friends ...

Ever since they grew up on the vine together, they've been inseparable. They played little league together, they had home room together all through high school, they even double dated to prom and shared a limo. As time went on, though, they slowly lost touch. During university they slowly lost touch...

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

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Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

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A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

A woman sees a uniformed man in a bar.

She introduces herself, and asks if he likes to drink. He smiles, and replies "I don't think you've ever met a Royal Navy officer before."

She buys him a drink, and remarks that he probably gets all the girls. He smiles, and replies "I don't think you've ever met a Royal Navy officer before."...

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A man is lost in the woods

So there was a man who was lost in woods for a few days. Eventually he came upon a farm and knocked the door. The farmer opened the door and the guy explained that he was lost and needed help. He said he could spend the night and as long he didn't touch his daughter and if he did he would suffer the...

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