Flirting Jokes - 61 Hilarious Flirting Jokes

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)

She says,

"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"

The Russian replies,

"I work for KGB."

"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"

"About me or about you?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scottish Flirting

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ...

I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...

...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How cool is that for someone her age?

A man and a woman are painfully flirting

The restaurant was practically empty, save for them. The man and the woman sat in silence, each waiting for the other to begin.

The man started.

"H-Hi." **Oh god, I sound like an idiot.**

"...Hi." *My Voice! Please come out!*

"So...uh...um...do w-weather?" **What is wrong...

At a party, Bob was flirting with a girl

The girl's boyfriend walked over to Bob and pushed him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Bob said, "I didn't know she was taken. I'm sorry." The boyfriend raised his fist and threatened, "If you touch my girl again, you're fiction."

Bob was confused, and asked, "Uh, don't yo...

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

if a girl is being nice to you it doesn't mean she is flirting

She might be a Canadian

I was flirting with a woman and asked her what's one thing she's most talented at

She said "I'm a great liar!"

I thought to myself, *yikes*, not a very good thing to admit.

But at least she's honest!

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

A doctor and an archeologist start flirting

After a while of the doctor asks:
-“What do you do for a living”
-“Im an archeologist” she answers
The doctor responds:
-“Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people”

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

I was near the local playground, and I tried flirting with the cute single mother.

It was a swing and a Miss.

My mate from Newcastle told me he was good at flirting,

so I pushed him in the river but he started to sink...

A math professor was flirting with his girlfriend

Girlfriend: "Oh your mean!"
Professor:" No, I'm the median"

I met a girl last night & after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play "Doctor"?

So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of out dated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.

My Version Of Flirting!

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they're braver than I am.

Guy: I’m hungover

Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. Over.

I was flirting really well with this woman in the bar.

"Do you want me to show you a good time?" she asked.

"Of course, babe," I grinned eagerly.

"Get your stopwatch out then," she snapped, "and see how long it takes me to get to the other side of the club."

My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women.

She finds the rejection quite entertaining.

A man and a woman are flirting in a bar

The woman asks the man what he does for a job to which he replies "I'm a vampire hunter"

"There are no vampires around here through" she says looking at him confused. He takes a long drink and says "you're welcome"

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

The only thing I hate more than my teachers flirting with me...

Is being homeschooled.

I remember when two Asian girls tried flirting with me

They asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it will be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right... we had six matching balls.

It usually works when flirting, Bite your lip.

P.S. Your lower lip.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date, and apparently it was OK

But then we saw Oxygen getting together with Magnesium, and we were like, OMg Oxygen is cheating on Potassium! That is *not* OK!

But then when Nitrogen started flirting, Oxygen said NO.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

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A Koala is sitting in a bar...

A Koala is sitting in a bar enjoying his drink when a beautiful woman approaches him. She starts flirting and they chat for a few minutes before the woman looks at the Koala and says

"hey, you wanna get outta here?"

"Sure!" the Koala replied as he jumped off the stool and took her ha...

Do you know what happened the first time Ed Sheeran started flirting with a girl before he was famous?

She ran.

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. Delighted, the genie says, "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out, "I want a billion dollars." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,003.50.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says, "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net wor...

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

But, it only works in Kentucky.

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A young man on a plane is flirting with a nearby flight attendant...

"Hey, wanna join the Mile-High Club? *wink wink*"

The flight attendant responds "No thanks. And quite honestly, I don't give a flying fuck."

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

I was flirting with a girl at a party. My friend came over and whispered in my ear.

He said, "What's going on between you two tonight?"

I said, "A condom."

A man barged into a confessional booth

He sits down and says “father I need to tell you, last night I was at the bar drinking when a gorgeous woman approached me and we started talking. After flirting together for awhile she asked if I would come back to her place”
“Go on” said the priest.
“Well, as we were leaving she ran into he...

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

Thankfully no one was hurt

A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck.

Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt.

Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone,

"We're both okay, we should celebrate."

So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of...

A man sits down next to a woman on a bus

The man starts flirting with her, and in the course of their conversation she admits that she's a nymphomaniac.

"Oh really," says the man, instantly more engaged in their conversation.

"Yeah", she confirms, "but I'm only attracted to Jewish cowboys. Anyway, my name is Mary-Beth, what's...

I modified this KGB joke by myself (Not a repost)

**My friend told me this joke**

> A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar.

> Woman : "Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"

> The Russian : "I work for KGB."

> Woman : "Cool, tell me an interesting story!"

> Russian : "About me or...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to get a few things for his wife before their party

On his way back from the store a beautiful blonde woman starts flirting with him out of nowhere. Him and his wife haven't been getting along lately and he finds himself flirting back with her, suddenly hooking up with her and finally finding himself the next morning in her apartment naked,
Desper...

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night I met a beautiful woman in a bar...

Last night I met a beautiful woman in a bar. We were getting on really well and after some time we started flirting. It was at this moment that she decided to bite her lip to look sexy.....

unfortunately, she bit her top lip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looks like f***ing up here

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower.

The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather dr...

“Hey Grandma, how was your doctors appointment?”

“I think the doctor was flirting with me. He told me I have acute angina!”

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sportsman's Callenge

(25/M) I was at the bar the other night. Early. I could read my book, and drink my bourbon without distraction. I'm reading, drinking, enjoying my time.

About an hour in, a very good looking older woman walks in. She sits right next to me and orders a Bulleit bourbon, light rocks. As that's w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newlywed couple was driving in the country…

As they’re driving along, the wife starts getting horny. She starts flirting with her husband and he starts getting horny. They both agree they have to have it RIGHT NOW. Being out in the country, out in the middle of nowhere to say little of being miles and miles from home, the husband pulls the ca...

Dad, i'm going to a party.

Son: Dad, i'm going to a party.

Dad: Will you be drinking?

Son: No.

Dad: Will you be smoking?

Son: No.

Dad: Will you be flirting with girls?

Son: No.

Dad: Then why the hell are you going?

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"

Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy starts hitting on a girl in a bar...

After the initial flirting he asks "Do you like jokes? Because I know one about my penis, but its too long."
She smiles and says " That's funny because I know one about my vagina, but you're not going to get it."

Come over

A guy and a girl had been flirting for sometime.

One day the girl says “come over there’s no one at home”

So the guys quickly goes to the girls house and starts ringing the doorbell. He knocks and rings the doorbell again several times but... nobody answered

Two muffins are put in an oven.

The first muffin says, "Man, are you hot or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "This isn't the time for flirting, Dave."

If it takes 13 muscles to smile…

...and 33 muscles to frown, how can I tell if this girl is flirting with me and not just being lazy?

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

acute angina

Gerty and George had been flirting for afew weeks at the Senior Home. They decided to seal the deal and Gerty accompanied George to his room, closed the door and slipped her shirt off.
"Be careful, I have acute angina," She said

George let his eyes linger as he took in her body and said,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Did your mother cook like this?"

A lonely man is attracted to a beautiful single woman in his office. He tries many ways to stimulate her interest in him, but she ignores all of his overtures—flirting, flowers, candy—nothing seems to work. Frustrated, he finally just asks her out to dinner, promising dinner at the best place in tow...

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

I was Christian before...

A muslim man flirting with a woman

Woman: I was Christian before

Muslim Man: I dont care. I dont mind what your religion is. What is important is that I like you.

Woman: You dont understand. That was my name before. Christian

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