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Fix Thing Jokes

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A wife said to her husband, "You fuck like you fix things around the house."

"Expertly?" he asked.
"No," she responded. "Half done so I have to call the neighbor over to finish the job."

[OC] What do you call sisters who can fix things?

Maintain-nuns.

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, "Doctor! Doctor! I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller!!!"

His Doctor replies, "Now now, I can't fix things right away, you'll just have to be a little patient."

A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage...

Repair

When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service.

The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning.

The tech suggested that someone might try reading the...

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

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This couple were watching Uri Geller on TV

Uri said:" I want people to put something that is broken or they want mended on top of the TV and with my mind power, I shall fix it".
The guy unzipped his trousers and flops his dick on top of the TV. Wife said:" honey, he's trying to fix things, not raise the dead".

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Pink elephant joke

One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all
of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed,
she say this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he
was crying.

"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join i...

Niche joke for us academics...

The Devil was wandering through the Physics building late one night when he happened upon the lab of a hard-working assistant professor.

“Could I interest you in a deal?” the devil asked. “Suppose I fix things so that for the next ten years you publish every piece of research you do, ground-b...

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A man with a horrible stutter goes to the Dr. to see if there's a way to fix it...

Because of his stutter, Mr. Smith was painfully shy, and only communicated using gestures and notes. After reading his note explaining his problem, the doctor gave him a thorough examination, and returned to discuss his diagnosis with him.


"Well, Mr. Smith, the problem seems to be that y...

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