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Fancied Jokes

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.


I thought, fuck me, I might win this

So this young chap had always fancied this girl

All though high school he had admired her from afar. But never had the courage to ask her out.

Come the Prom he thinks to himself, if he doesn't ask now, it's never going to happen. So straightening his jacket, slicking back his hair, he puts his heart in his hands goes up to her and asks;...

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money...

Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied...

I bumped into my old English teacher that I fancied.

"What's new?" she asked.

I said, "An adjective."

My girlfriend asked me if I fancied a quickie earlier..

"Its pronounced 'quiche'", I told her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Autocorrect has once again fucked me over. I just accidentally messaged my mate asking if he fancied a wank down the river...

Bastard. I meant canal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a lovely lady in the bar last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance, So we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova

He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious sexual appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost ...

I asked a lady friend if she fancied coming around and sharing a dried exotic fruit..

She said it sounds like a date

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss...

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.

he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.


Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day ...

Did you hear about the accountant from Pyongyang who moved to Seoul to be a carpenter?

He fancied a Korea change

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