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Flashy Jokes

Promised my wife a flashy car and she was so excited.

You should have seen her face light up when she saw I’d strapped a strobe light to her Toyota.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very flashy, uber-materialistic, and self-absorbed braggart buys a Ferrari...

He’s driving around town showing off his new expensive ride. He waves at the pretty women with his right hand to show off his big flashy diamond rings.

He pulls over to park and is just relishing every glance he gets. He even calls out to a few people and says, “It’s a Ferrari! You like it?...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. The...

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,...

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'...

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You c...

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

My girlfriend used to do flashy shows on a chair for me.

It was electrical.

I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday

Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.

A man walks his dog late at night when he observes an obviously drunk guy. The guy stops at a parked car, swipes across the car's roof with his arm and says "Nope."

He stumbles over to the next car, again swipes across the roof with his arm and again: "Nope."

This goes on for a while until finally the dog owner decides to ask the man what he was doing.

Drunkard: "I'm searching my car!"

Dog owner: "But you can't find your car by swiping your...

I asked my epileptic friend, “What do you want for your birthday?”

He said, “I hope it’s nothing too flashy.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are discussing what they got their wives for Christmas...

The flashy guy says, "I got my wive a pink Cadillac and a diamond ring." The humble guy replies, "Why did you choose that combo?" Flashy responds, "Well, if she doesn't like the diamond ring I picked out, she can always drive herself back to the store and pick out a new one! ... So, what did you get...

I ran into an old acquaintance from school the other day.

He always liked to brag and the years didn't change that as he stood there telling me about how great his life is. He told me about how he landed this miracle job, he showed me pictures of his flashy Mercedes, his house in the countryside then showed more pictures telling me to "take a look at my go...

A Farmer Sends his Son to Town for Supplies

He tells him to visit the commons as there are sure to be reputable merchants selling their wares at this time of year.

But on the way the son gets waylaid by a strange man with big flashy signs advertising the latest in imported tools. All his neighbors are also there buying this man's tools...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this some 30-years ago in the Navy...

An Air Force General, Marine General, Army General and a Navy Admiral have a bet on which service has the most balls…



The Marine general grunts, “I’ll solve this right now!” calls for a company of Marines, pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it in the middle shouting, “Grenade!” One...

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Golf pro returns home

Back in the sixties an Irish golfer makes it big in the USA and becomes a millionaire. Wanting to celebrate his success he arranges for a trip back to his lovely green Isle and since he's also a bit of a braggard, he pays to have his very flashy Buick convertible sent back with him on a ship.
...

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Sesame Street Bus

A guy gets a job as a city bus driver. After going over his route, his supervisor tells him about the buses advertisement. "This week, it's a sesame street ad. Do not let these ads get damaged as you make your way through the city. We make a lot of money from these companies and we want it to look g...

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

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