Expelled Jokes - 51 Hilarious Expelled Jokes

Why were Charlie Brown, Linus and Lucy expelled from school on the same day?

Because that was the day the schools banned peanuts.

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A boy tells his father "Dad, my math teacher is asking to see you.”

The father asks "What happened?"

“Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 x 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 x 7?' so I ask 'what's the fucking difference?'"

"Indeed, what is the difference?" says the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school an...

I got expelled from mime school.

It must have been something I said.

A thief was expelled from music school.

It was a bit unfair, all he was doing was taking notes.

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A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school...

A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school he attends.

His parents try putting him in Jewish schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in public school. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Montessori schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Military s...

why did the squid get expelled from school

For kraken jokes

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Why was the cannibal expelled?

He was buttering up his teacher.

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Little Jonny got expelled from school one day...

His mother had to go and pick him up and speak with the school.
"what have you done now!?" she cries.
"well, the teacher asked us math questions in class" said Jonny.
His mother, curiosly says "ok.. and what were the questions?"
"well, she asked us what was 8x2, so I shouted out 16" said...

I got expelled from school on pajama day.

Its not my fault I sleep naked.

Man this insult will get you expelled...lol..

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.

Apparently, I went too far.

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

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"Dad, my math teacher wants you to come in to speak with her," said Billy after coming home on Monday.

"Why, what happened?" Asked his father.

"Well, she asked me to multiply 7 times 9, so I did and told her 63. Then she asked me to multiply 9 times 7, so I told her what's the fucking point if the answer's going to be the same."

"Well yeah, what IS the point if you already answered her ...

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A young boy got expelled for the using the C word in class

The principal asked him "That wasn't clever, was it?"
The boy replied " No, it was cunt"

I got expelled for making blueprints for a water slide that goes up one side of my university and down the other.

Maybe I shouldn't have started by saying that I wanted to chute up the school.

Everyone knows Harry Potter graduated from Hogwarts, but not many people know that Harry Styles failed to do so.

He was expelled after starting wand erection.

How ungrateful people are

My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!

I was expelled for smoking weed at school

All I wanted was a higher education

A son came home from school and told his dad he got expelled.

Dad: "How?"

Son: "I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard.

Dad: "well, that's pretty dumb but-

Son: "Then my teacher told me to go back up to the board..."

Dad: Ok...

Son: "... and rub one out."

Pepito was the dumbest kid in his classroom…

Pepito wasn’t a very bright kid. He often failed his tests and annoyed his teachers. One day, his teacher, Ms.Emily, told him he had one last chance to do well. Pepito took a test, but inevitable failed. Ms.Emily expelled him from school and told him he was the dumbest kid she had ever met. She made...

My group mates told me to practice my lines for the school performance

Don't know why I got expelled. All I did was bring out a dollar bill and mom's credit card and did what I was told

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Son to father

Son: Dad , maths teacher has summoned you.

Dad: what did you do now?

Son: he asked what is 5 times 10, i said 50. Now whats 10 times 5

Father: what kind of shitfuckery is this?

Son: exactly thats what i said.

next day…

Son: Did you visit maths teacher?
...

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A father is called into the principle's office because his son is in big trouble.

The father sits down next to his son with the principle across at his desk.

"We caught your son selling pot for 15 dollars a joint out back. He's permanently expelled. You're lucky we didn't call the cops."

The father looks at his son with horror and disgust. He gets up quickly and dra...

American spy goes undercover to a Russian university as a student

After one semester he is expelled. His supervisor asks him what happened.

- I don’t understand! Everyone goes to the sauna, I go to the sauna too. Everyone goes drinking, I go drinking too. Everyone gets hookers, I get hookers too. Everyone passed their exams, I didn’t.

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The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

Why don't farts graduate high school?

Because they always get expelled.

My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times

The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.

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The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

How are wizards banished?

They're expelled.

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

Why are there so few dark skinned students at Hogwarts?

Because most of them were expelled for using Black magic.

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Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
t...

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I was talking to my uncle about his high school years…

He said when he started high school he was the biggest trouble maker in the school. He cut classes, got in fights, smoked in the bathroom, etc etc. Said he spent half his freshmen year sitting outside the principal’s office.

Eventually he got expelled and his parents had no choice but to sen...

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A little girl has an interesting dream...

In the dream, she was in a circular room, throwing flowers in the air, saying "The flowers are so pretty, the flowers are so pretty."

She went to school the next day and forgot to bring her show-and-tell project because she kept thinking about the dream. It came her turn to go, and she went t...

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Young boy comes home from school early from school, his mother asks him why he's home early...

Boy: 'the headmaster expelled me from school for using the C word in class!'

Mum: 'That wasn't clever was it'

Boy: 'No, it was cunt'

Sorry if repostage :/

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There is a boy who is always in trouble, he is constantly upsetting the other children and damaging the school property. Eventually, a letter is sent home to his parents...

...saying the school has put up with his bad behaviour long enough. This morning, they found him masturbating in class so they have expelled him. The letter continues: “I
suggest you talk to your son about his dirty little habit as soon as possible. Tell him he’ll go blind if he carries on.
Yo...

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The Purple Flower

So there's this guy walking to school and on his way there he sees these two girls talking to each other. He drops in on their conversation and hears them talking about a purple flower. He thought to himself "Purple flower?" and stops to think about it. He realizes he's late for school and runs as f...

5 kids wanted to get into a fraternity

Alex and his 4 friends wanted to get into a fraternity. So they went to the leader and asked him how they could get in. The fraternity leader told them that if they wanted to join his fraternity they would have to stand in a line and all get socked in the face. So they all stood in a line and waited...

When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths

I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew th...

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Sarah got into prison for 2 weeks.

When she's was finally got expelled from prison her mother came to pick her up.

"Sarah, my dear. How was prison? Hope it wasn't too bad. I've got the whole day off to spend on some quality mother daughter time. What would you like to do first."

\- "Could we go to the mall please?"
...

A high schooled student becomes a national hero after taking down a school shooter

But was expelled because of the schools zero tolerance policy

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The Online Biology Class

I almost got expelled in an Online Biology crash course earlier. They asked me what the major constituent of cells are.

Turns out, "black people" is NOT a good answer.

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Antman receives a call from a Marine Biologist at Seaworld...

A marine biologist working with Seaworld calls Antman to help him with one of his juvenile Orcas. He tells him that due to the orca's sexual maturity fast approaching, he needs to perform a vasectomy to prevent him from getting to aggressive with the females.

Antman agrees, shrinks down, and...

A British father is very happy that his son has been accepted into Eton, one of the finest boarding schools in England.

After the first week he visits his son and is dismayed to find he has a cut under his eye.

"What happened, son?"

"Some other kids, they beat me up for being Jewish!"

The father said it was an awful thing to do, but offered some advice. "Don't fight back, son, or you'll be expel...

A while ago there was a rebellion in Lapland

A group of three elves were very unhappy with Santa’s treatment of them, and organised an uprising.

Having dealt with the uprising, Santa expelled the three elves from Lapland. He gave each of them a colour to make sure he knew where they were.

The first elf was given the colour yell...

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Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

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3 proverbs

A boy heads off to college. When he got there he opened his email to see his dad had messaged him, telling him to have a great time but always be careful. He finished the message with 3 proverbs that always helped him get through life.

One day it was his roommates turn to clean the room. He n...

Catholic School

So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.

Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for h...

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Kid learns "fancy" words. #1

young Tommy had gotten in trouble at school one day and after a series of events was on the verge of being expelled from his elementary school. To save face the boy's parents invited the superintendent and a few select teacher's over for dinner to discuss Tommy's future at the school. The young boy ...

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Don't ask...

So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception so the radio is sort of static, nevertheless, he catches something about a purple donut. His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, "Momma, what's a purple donut?" She then gets this wild look in h...

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