German Baby Joke I saw on QI

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless.
Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Str...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed after sex

The chicken turns to the egg and says ‘well, that answers that old question’

I stole this from Sandy from QI

Heard This Joke On Qi

Three candidates for a job as CIA hitman,
First one is told, “ your wife is tied to a chair in that room, you have to take this pistol and kill her”
After two minutes, he comes out the room saying “I couldn’t do it “. The trainer tells him “if you can’t kill your wife, you can’t be a CIA hit...

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

A tragedy in the Mystic town

The Mystic town is populated by the human powers, who oddly look like big canisters with labels on them, and is divided into two parts by a huge road. One side of the road is for "General Powers", where guys like Strength, Speed and Agility live. The other one is "Other's" half, where Karma, Qi, Wil...

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They're efficient and they don't have a sense of humor.

(Not mine... I think I heard it on QI or similar...)

Me: That actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed last week! Reece... Reece... whatshername...Reece....

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No, with a knife.

(Courtesy of QI.)

A man visits his Chinese friend in a hospital.

"Li kai yang qi guan," says the Chinese friend. The man doesn't understand a single word and becomes desperate about what to say next. "Li kai yang qi guan!" says the patient, as his face becomes red. After a few weeks, the man goes on a business tour of China. There he learns the meaning of "Li kai...

My Chinese friend got really sick one day!!

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day.
He just kept whispering “yang qi guan” over and over and then died.
I was very sad and Googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube...

I was walking down the street with my wife...

... when I saw my mother-in-law being beaten up by six men.

My wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"

I said, "Six should be enough."

*(Copyright Les Dawson, as retold by Jimmy Carr on QI.)*

A hen walks into a library...

...and says, *"Book!"*. The librarian finds this odd, but gives the hen a book of their choice anyway, and the hen leaves.

The next day, the hen comes back and says, *"Bookbookbook!"*. The librarian, still dumbfounded, gives the hen three books and the hen leaves again.

The next day,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical Students

A group of first year medicals students are attending their first class. An eccentric looking lecturer walk in and says: "An important thing in medicine, is not to be fazed by what seems disgusting to the general public. Allow me to demonstrate" The lecturer brings a cadaver into the lecture theatre...

What was Confucius' favorite comfort food?

Macaroni and Qi.

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